Jumbled mess ahead:

I'm all over the place, with anxiousness, hope, excitement, nerves.  In one hour, I have a second interview for a job I totally want.  I'm so excited, and not really very worried.  But should I be?  I'm calm, yet nervous.  I'm confident, yet slightly worried.  I'm wearing a short-sleeved top.  My arms are a little cold.  I wonder, will they be cold during my interview?  I'm thinking I'll be all warm and worked up by that point, so short sleeves should be good.  Yes.  So, I really want to succeed.

I want to succeed in so much.  I want this job.  I have other goals, too.  I want to travel.  I want to meet new people.  I want to explore existing situations.  And I want everything now.  I'm not a patient person, or very good at moderation.  I need to calm the eff down, I know, but I'm all bursting at the seams.  I want.  I have so much to give and currently nothing or one to give it to.  Or maybe I do have an outlet, I don't know.  Another 'want to know now' situation for me.  I just need to be patient.  Relax.  Reeeeelaaaaaax.

So, I was looking at all those old blog posts yesterday, amazed at how black and white everything seems now.  But back then, I was not doing the reality thing very well.  Yes, I got help...I got on the meds....and things improved.  My mood stabilized.  But, nothing made me want to be where I was.  I didn't like what I was doing - what I was contributing and what I was getting back.  I just wish I had realized sooner that stay-at-home momdom was not for me.  I regret the wasted years.  The time I'll never get back.  But, that time has, I guess, contributed to the person I am today.  Just like the lines on my face reflect my "wisdom," and "experience," the events of my past reflect the same.

I'm just so excited.  "Exuberant."  Ready to dive in.