Monday, June 12, 2006
Not funny. Not sarcastic. Just pathetic.
Maybe I'll write this and not post it. I am not doing so great lately. I completely SUCK at being a mother. I'm impatient, I get angry too easily, I don't want to sit on the floor and play cars, I want to sit in a chair and read or watch Oprah in peace. I'm tired of the fits, the crying for no apparent reason, the screaming, the nasty "no's", bribing my kid to eat/go potty/put dirty laundry in a basket. I hate that the best part of my day is naptime, so I can be alone and do what I want. It makes me mad that Cam is afraid of the vacuum and doesn't want to get water/shampoo in his eyes, even though we know it's "tearless" shampoo, and that he won't keep his finger out of his mouth. I get so mad when Cam won't listen, when he does the exact opposite of what I say, and with a grin on his face. I hate that our house is always a mess, even though it's a lot my fault. I hate that when I do clean up, it's a disaster only moments later. There is dog hair everywhere. I'm sick and tired of cleaning the kitchen and dining room 1.5 million times a day, of loading and unloading the dishwasher, of the stupid dog hair tumbleweeds that rustle around me when I walk through the kitchen. But everyone goes through this, you might think, and they don't bitch and complain - they just deal with it. Why does it have to be an issue for me? Is there something wrong with me? Am I depressed? Am I normal? Do I just have a bad attitude? When both kids are screaming, I just want to yell, "will you just shut the hell up! What is wrong with you! What is wrong with me!"
2 comments:
I know lots of moms who feel this way. You're normal now and you were normal in 2006. You're just one of the few who will reduce their emotions to writing for all to see. And, don't forget you were wise/caring enough to seek medical help. Most won't do that even though seeking help is a key indicator of sanity and self-control.
We all feel this way sometimes. I know I do. I don't like it, either. I'm trying to dig my way out of a hole as well. Keep looking forward, Mel. Don't look back and have regrets... the only thing you can do from here on out is move forward! :)
xoxo
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