Kohl's. The theme of Kohl's tonight: Dress It Up With A Scarf! Also, All Shirts Must Be Long And Clingy To Belly Mass! In addition, If You're Looking For Tailored Dress Pants, Don't Shop Here! Finally, If You're Melanie And Want To Look Cute, Don't Try On Any Of These Clothes!
Things I learned at Kohl's: Don't try on clothes when you are bloated. No matter how cute you feel at the moment. If it has the label "Chaps" on it, it will probably fit well, but be way too overpriced, no matter how desperate you are. Cheapo purses beat cheapo jewelry every time. I keep buying the same pair of shoes, only slightly varied.
Old Navy. Most of this stuff is too young for me. Except the Cleveland Indians tshirt and the neutral-colored tank.
In conclusion, one red purse, three pairs of sensible underpants, one pair of mary jane-esque black shoes (again), one sports-themed tee, one tank to wear under cardigans and such.
And a note to Warner's: I like your No Wedgies No Worries undies. But not in high-cut brief or hipster. I am a bikini girl. Make more of those. I should not have to forage for bikinis. Size medium. Thank you. Don't stop making them.
P.S. I don't know how to use "pair" vs. "pairs." I'm ok with that. Sort of.
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