Where I'm at

Thankfully, the rainstorm cooled things off. I spent the last hour and a half on the porch, reading and listening to my sister's Pandora mix. Discovered a couple of awesome songs. Unfortunately, the sun went down too low, and I can no longer make out the words on the pages. I'm reading A Confederacy of Dunces, which I've been wanting to read for a long time, but which is slow-going for me. Not that it's hard to get into, or a difficult read - I'm just having a slow time getting back into the reading. Also, I really want to pronounce "confederacy" as "confederancy." Seriously. So, anyway, I came back inside to read.

Remember how I was like, all, "think of me on Thursday morning cause it's important and stuff?" It went well. Really well, considering, but not as amazingly well as I had expected. So, I wait, a little longer, for life to be normal. It's ok. I'm prepared to wait. It's like all I do these days. MY TIME WILL COME! (maybe)

I spent an amazing weekend with my kiddos. I painted my daughter's toenails. Maybe the first time I've ever painted someone else's nails. She was beyond pleased. That makes me beyond pleased. Maybe I should finally do my own?

I am on a laundry high today. So many loads, so little time. Want me to come over and launder your clothes and linens? I'm good at it.

I have been craving lemonade all day. Is that odd?

I've noticed that I subscribe to lots of comic feeds. Why do I love them so? Do you? Here are some I dig:

Indexed
Natalie Dee
Savage Chickens
Surviving The World
The Oatmeal
Marc Johns and his Serious Drawings

Just a sampling. The list is big. What does this say about me? I enjoy humor? Sarcasm? Off-handed jokes? Drawings? I dunno. I just like.

Hey, guess what? I get to meet an Internet Friend this weekend!!! I'm so excited! The best news I've heard in a while. I hooooopppppeeee it works out. I like good news. Also, I plan to do the apartment hunting thing this Saturday. I hoooooppppeeee it works out. I like good news. Also, I get to go to Rocky Horror again this weekend. Yay! I like fun times and entertainment. Also, I get to go to work all week! Yay! Really! Yay! I'm so happy to be employed. And to "get" my job. Honestly? A bright spot in my life right now. Probably crazy to hear to those who dread getting up on Monday morning to drag themselves to work. Not that I don't want to hit snooze 14 times as well, but I'm *so* pleased to have a place in this world, finally. Finally.

On the flipside, I like being alone. I really, honestly, truly, love to be alone. But being lonely? Fucking sucks.

But heck, I have nice legs. That should make up for the loneliness, right? Right? ...

Kitty Toby is currently at my side, with his pervy kitty paws on my thigh. He's purring. Every time he touches my laptop, he hits caps lock. Every. Time. I think it means he's an angry kitten and likes to shout. Why do cats have whiskers that grow above their eyes? Is it the equivalent of kitty eyelashes? Or eyebrows? Why doesn't anyone ever talk about this stuff?

Here's the thing: are you prepared for me to be an old spinster? Am I? No, I'm not. To never have a boyfriend ever again in my life? To be alone? Alone, I'm ok with, of course. But not lonely. I'm not ready for it. But I'm thinking it's the path I'm headed for. Do you? Can you convince me otherwise? Cause I really really really think it's my certain destiny. That depresses me. I'm not prepared to accept this. But my head tells me it's what I'm facing. Intuition tells me this, really.

Emotions, brain, and heart aside - this a really hard thing for me to realize. Do you know my age? I am 35. Thirty-five. Do you understand what that means? Sexual PRIME! Right? Right. Totally right. Urrrrghhhhhhh.

Also, goddammit, my heart and brain and emotions deserve something. I just don't think it's gonna happen.