Fragment Rock

I didn't get the job I'd been hoping for.  I truly felt it was a great fit.  And I was completely confident that I had it in the bag.  Overconfident, it seems. Disappointed, but moving on.  Life just sucks that way sometimes.

Weather!  Wow, I don't know what happened, but someone flipped a switch.  Seriously, we had snow?frost? a week ago.  Frost/snow.  Yesterday's weather was deliriously amazing - I think the high reached 76+.  Sun shined all day long.  Claire and I took a nice walk.  Lots of driving, soaking in the sun.  As a person who reeeeeaaaalllllyyyyy suffers from seasonal affective disorder, the day should have been golden. Of course, it was just 'eh' for me.  I still had a you-suck-you-didn't-get-the-job hangover, I suppose.

Today started with lots of promise.  There's nothing better than waking up on your own, rather to a blaring alarm clock, with the sun covering you.  Felt good.  Felt warm.  I think I smiled.  Great, long, hot shower.  It would be a nice lazy day, but I have major work to do.  I have the day/evening mostly to myself, so I need to hunker down and kick some job-searching ass. 

I got Barenanked Ladies' new CD, All In Good Time, in the mail yesterday.  I feel I may be speaking prematurely, but I'm not thrilled.  How awful is that?  I've been a BNL fan for so long.  Here's the thing: for months, I've been watching vids of them in the studio, so I've heard bits and pieces of what they were working on.  The album seems very produced.  Very polished. I don't care for that.  I like it more raw.  So, the unmixed, unproduced stuff I heard in the videos appeals to me more.  Also, I'm not sure about the direction this album has taken.  Maybe a little too adult contemporary?  I'm not sure.  I need to give it more time, do a little more listening.  I'll get back with you.

Got a free sample of some glass cleaner in the mail yesterday.  Not sure why...I know I didn't request this one.  Anyway, it came with some bubble wrap.  I almost gave the bubble wrap to Luke, because I'm a selfless person who puts her kids' pleasure and entertainment before her own.  Then, I remembered therapy.  I'm supposed to find other things to keep my hands busy, so my nervous energy is directed to places other than my body.  Did that sound pervy?  I kind of hope so. ;)  No, seriously, so I don't pick, pick, pick.  Now, as I'm sitting here, searching, typing, blogging, if I feel the urge to touch my face, or actually find myself doing it, I stop and pop one of the bubbles instead.  Is this effective?  Not sure.  Cause I just really want to pop every one of those freaking bubbles right now...

How do you learn moderation?  If something makes you feel good, how do you learn to not want it a lot?  How do you direct your mind elsewhere?  Probably, you get a job, right?  I think I need to focus on learning why I need "things" to make me happy.  I need to learn to be happy with just me.  Happy from within.  But I still want to enjoy things.  I don't want to cut out external happy-makers.  I want them to compliment my life, to enhance it.  Does any of that make sense?

I don't like not feeling good about myself.  I don't like feeling lost.  Or stuck.

And, I don't like ending posts so negatively, but I got nothing else.  Sorry.  It's just me.

P.S. But wait, wait, wait!  There's more!  I took my beloved laptop to my friend Bob's house last night.  He says there's a fix for it!  Details include:  hooking it up to something something something....XP disk....something something something....controls....directory....something something something....lots of commands.  I think that about covers it.  But, YAY!

12:08 p.m.  Things I'd Rather Be Doing Than Posting Resumes and Customizing Cover Letters for Jobs I Don't Want:

1. Checking the mail, since the mailperson just came
2. Thinking about photography
3. Taking photographs
4. Making out with a hot internet guy
5. What?
6. Mopping the kitchen floor (wow)
7. Practicing painting my nails
8. Popping the rest of this bubble wrap
9. Powerwalking
10. Trying out this sample of glass cleaner
11. Getting paid to write
12. Sit ups (really.)
13. Staring out the window