A riveting post about my sexual preference

Hello, from the deep, dark, dank, damp, dungeonous recesses of....my basement.  My beautiful, lovely, trusty laptop might just be shot to shoot.  Nothing I've tried thus far will fix it.  So I'm using the sluggish, temperamental old desktop in the basement.  Gonna have to figure out how to speed this old girl up.  I got no patience to wait for this puppy to catch up with my fingers.  Anyway....

Speaking of basements.  It's not really that dark, not dank or damp at all.  Wait, I'm not even sure what "dank" really means.  But, seriously.  This is the best basement I've ever had.  I mean, yeah, it's a basement and all. It's colder down here, it's all neglected and cobwebby, there are dead bugs, it's a crazy mess of toys, boxes, holiday decorations, dust, patio furniture, furnace/water heater/sump pump, pipes, ducts, and stuff like that.  But it's the dryest basement I've ever experienced.  It sort of still smells like a newish basement.  The concrete still looks all nice and....concretey.  It's a decent basement.  If only someone would come and clean it up.

So, I spelunked to the basement because I have some important information for you, Blog Readers Whom I Adore:

I am not gay.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.  I heard today that I left my husband to get it on with a lesbian.  So, to set the record straight, here are some facts.

A) I did not leave my husband.  He left me.  Twice.  Once for a night.  Then, a week later, permanently.

B) Although I was the one to file for divorce, he was the one who ended the marriage. I was just ready to start my life.  Okay?  Okay.

C) I'm not a lesbo.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.  I like lesbos just fine.  I like gay boys, too.  I have craploads of gay friends.  Doesn't mean I want to join the team, though.

D) I like boys.  A lot.  Boys rock.  Boys are amazing.  I am smitten with them, in fact.  I'm quite attracted to them, and maybe frequently pine for them.  I think about them all.the.time.  I'd love to spend more time with them, quality face-to-face time with them, even.  They are beautiful, amazing, and just perfect.

What?

E) Now, I've been doing a lot of thinking tonight, and if I had been born with the lesbo gene, here's what I think I'd like:

Girly girls.  But spunky, funky types.  They'd have to have a touch of unusualness.  Probably chicas with dark hair.  Not that there's anything wrong with light hair.

Definitely Butterfly Boucher.  I openly admit to crushing on her.  She's awesome. She's a rocker and she's purdy. I listen to my girl Butterfly daily.

Who else?  Um, maybe Ingrid Michaelson.  Since I'm on a muscian kick.  She's funny.  And real.  And I get to see her in concert in May!  So, yay!  I'll go lesbo.

I can't decide weather I'd like someone like Jennifer Garner enough for her to be my girlfriend.  She's not unusual enough.  But she sure is pretty.

Oh, and I might renege on the 'no light-haired babes' thing.  Cause look at Jenny Lewis!!  Listen to her voice!

Man, that's enough chickage for tonight.  Being a lesbian is exhausting.  Girls require too much maintenance for me.  So, contrary to the popular rumor, I'll stick with boys.  Thankyouverymuch.