Yeah.

So, yeah, had a rough night last night.  I think I did what needed to be done, but it doesn't feel right.  I don't feel comfortable doing things that feel wrong.  Maybe I'll just need to wait and see how things go, just pull back for a while, before making long-term decisions.  I know - I'm vague, and you have no idea what I'm going on about.  Sorry.  All Mel, All the Time = Therapy, too.

I had a pretty crap day today, as well.  I got to work early this morning and tried to logon to my computer and was met with a nasty "you're missing an important .dll file" (dll = darn lucky lady, right?) error.  I certainly couldn't recover my crap, nor could a very technically-minded manager.  So, off to the lab my tower went.  And then the computer I tried to work on had an Outlook problem, and email is my main form of communicating, so I couldn't do escalations at all.  I didn't do much working until like 2pm.  Then I got my computer back, and had to map bunches of drives and put bunches of stuff back onto it.  I'm only missing one file at this point.

I got really frustrated with Clueless Lady today, which really showed how low my patience threshold is.  She just can't do the job.  She messed things up so badly, and then wouldn't/couldn't listen to me when I was trying to explain to her what to do to sort things out.  Plus, when companies have a big outage, we have like a 15 minute service level agreement that has to be met...and there are several steps that have to be followed to get notifications out to the client.  She just has no concept of urgency.  You have to move quickly and think clearly, and not fuck up.  She moved slowly, could not focus, and certainly fucked up.  I think we'll hear about it tomorrow, because in no way was the SLA met.  Clueless.  Pretty much, one of the outages was fixed by the time she got her shit posted.

Will you do me a favor and think positive thoughts for me tomorrow?  It's an important morning for me.

I dig computing outdoors at night, but hate being the only light source for the bugs to flock to.  I don't like bugs much.  Little flying ones, especially. So I went inside and of course now have a cat attached to me.  Kitties are soft.  Except when they lick your hand - that's not soft.

It's dumb how when things are going kind of crappily for you, how you seem to dwell on all the stuff that's missing in your life.  Conversely, when things are sunshiny for you, you focus on all the awesome things you have going for you.  Right now, I'm at a low time, so I'm missing a lot.  Missing my dad.  Missing my freedom.  Missing certain friends.  Missing contentment.  Missing security.  Missing consistency.  Missing feeling good about myself.  Whaaaa, right?  Also, I've picked the crap out of myself lately.  My face is a mess and I hate that.  Makes me hate me.

So......yeah.