From "meh" to "BLAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH"

First, I lied to you.  I'm not comfortable sharing all of my feelings with ALL of my friends. And my lurkers. And stalkers.  And internet predators.  Some things just have to be kept private.  So I'm not completely transparent.  Don't want to misrepresent.

Second, the coolest thing I've heard this week:  "I don't eat ham hawks. I don't allow that in my house."  Heard on public transit.  And she was very passionate about her displeasure of ham hawks.  Because they are obviously evil, evil pig parts.

Have you heard anything cool this week?

In other news...I work with idiots.  All the people I sit near are circus freaks.  And not in a good way.  When I am the voice of reason and sanity, it's time to get scared.  I am not exaggerating when I say The Young One talked on his cell phone with his girlfriend for at lest four hours today.  The Sleeper got scolded by The Big Boss today.  And The Big Boss rarely even makes an appearance in my department.  I think The Sleeper might be on the edge of being unemployed.  Clueless Lady just keeps getting cluelesser and cluelesser as the days go by.  She sat with me to learn a process today.  She who's been there for two months longer than I.  It is the most bizarre thing.  Don't get me wrong:  she's very nice.  She's a kind, caring person.  This just isn't the job for her.  Multitasking is not her thing.  Also, she started telling me a fairy tale out of the blue today, about some animals who didn't want to help out the pig.  At first, I didn't realize she was even talking to me, since I was at my own desk, working, and she was at hers.  Then I tried to half-listen, but my phone rang, so I answered it.  I never found out the ending, or the moral of the story...but she sure told what I did hear with great passion.  It's a circus.

I'm honestly getting worn down.  Not by work, but other externals.  One, my ex.  He's just being an ass, and using the kids to try to make me feel guilty.  Lame and immature.  Also, everything that has happened that is negative to this date is my fault.  I am the cause of the downfall of the marriage.  I am apparently an awful mother and just horrible to have to deal with.  He doesn't communicate well?  My fault.  He doesn't make house payments?  My fault?  My fault, my fault, my fault.  Obviously, I know that shit's not true, but it just gets so old after a while, and I can really only blow off so much.

Also, I am just disappointed at life in general lately.  I'm waiting, with anticipation, for something....anything....to go my way.  To have a fabulous week.  To get good news.  Anything.  Anything.  It's just one thing after another and I don't know when that's going to change.  And I really, really do try to have a positive outlook.  I try to look on the bright side and all that.  I don't know what I'm doing wrong, because life just keeps fucking slapping me in the face and it's starting to leave a mark.

What do I do?

Boy, this has turned depressing.  Sorry.

You can just blame me.  Why not.