sounds, reflections, wants, needs...

Enjoying this night's sounds, as well as a cool breeze, on my very own back patio. I am at my house through Monday while the ex is out of town. I feel at home here. Why wouldn't I? It is my home, is it not? It's where I've resided for three years, though not recently. I love it here. If there were anything I could do to stay here, I would. Sadly, my income versus debt ratio cannot allow that. Unhappy face. Oh well. I'll soak it up while I can, and look forward to my very own new home in my very own immediate future. I'm beyond pleased to be spending some much needed time here with my kids. I've missed them like crazy. I wish things could be much more stable right now, but they just can't. Know who else I've missed? Walter. My dog is sitting right next to me right now. I know he loves me most. I'm his alpha. I'm the one who slept with my arm in his box/bed the very first night he lived with us. I'm the one he listens to. I miss this neurotic, crazy, stinky pup.

Man. Things are just so different these days. Different good, in a lots of ways. Different bad, in others. The bad parts are pretty much self-inflicted. Not dwelling, but learning from my mistakes and moving on, though. It's a strong test in patience and tolerance. It's character-building. It's learning to adapt.

Want: a glasses cleaning kit thingy. THINGY. You know, the spray stuff, the little cloth. Also, a special cloth to clean the facial grease from my touch phone. A tasteful welcome mat for my future front door. Time to accelerate to two weeks from now (so much for patience). A coffee grinder. Endless hugs. Heavy duty whitening strips for my yellowing chicklets. An endless supply of my favorite body wash. Pants, dammit (big 8s)! A planner - you know, like a book planner with paper pages...because I pay more attention when it's written in pencil on paper than I do to that silly Google Calendar nonsense . Small fish tank, fish tank accessories, a few female guppies, a male guppy, a tetra, two loaches...to start. Alarm clock. New Balance running shoes, size 9. A real ash tray, for visitors, of course. As always, a pedicure. Perhaps a manicure, as well - clear coat. Coasters (tired of condensation from my glass dripping all over me when I take a drink)!

I dislike when people use the word "forwards" in place of "forward." Or the term "in regards" in place of "with regard."

I like smelling the laundry exhaust from my very own dryer. I like doing laundry in my own home.

Recently, I started following a guy I went to high school with on Twitter. Because I thought he was smart and his tweets might entertain or enlighten me. Instead, all he tweeted about, for the most part, was how much android phones suck and how superior the iPhone is to anything else on the market. Annoying. I recently unfollowed him. Now I'm wondering if my tweets are so narrowly-focused... But, then again, I'm so random that that might not be possible. If you follow, you follow. If you read, you read. I've got all the audience I need. ;)

There are two people in this world who think I'm pretty, and it makes me sort of happy. And one is my daughter. Hm, maybe three, since my dog is so enamored with me...plus he's naturally color blind, and has one cataract that blinds one eye, and another that's developing on his "good" eye. I think I'm dog meat most of the time, ok some of the time, and ok+ a small portion of the time. Surprise!

The crickets and cicadas are nice, but I think the time has come for some music. We will begin with The Flaming Lips. Is that ok with you? Yes? "Goin' On" is what's playing. Press mute if you don't wish to hear. I almost typed "partake," but felt that was too nerdy. It's a nice into to "Fight Test." I dig this tune, and my kids love it even more. Cam thinks it's a song telling us not to fight, but I feel it's about the opposite. It's all about interpretation. Either way, it's an enjoyable listen. Claire just likes the lyric "mystery." She sings it over and over. And OMG, what comes up next, my theme song, "Portions For Foxes" by Rilo Kiley. Jeeze...iTunes knows me so well. Scary. Ok, up next is a song by The Weakerthans entitled "Left and Leaving," which reminds me of my friend - we'll call him Craig - because it in turn reminds me of an art piece he is (or once was) passionate about, which he received from a close friend of his. Also, it's a lovely tune that is quite moving. And a little depressing. But that's ok, because a loving pup just came up to me for a head pat. Also, it has the best line ever: I wait in 4/4 time. The ever-knowing iTunes wants me to hear "Soldier" by Ingrid Michaelson lots lately. So I'll listen. Guess I'm a soldier. And apparently the battle with the heart isn't easily won.

(What must the reader think of my lyrical/musical muses? Are you still reading? Do you care? I do, and that's what matters, bitch)

"The District Sleeps Alone" by The Postal Service is the perfect song to queue up next. I really was the one worth leaving, thankyouverymuch. But guess what? I'm a better person now. (Also, isn't "queue" an odd word?)

*Also what is a good midnight snack to accompany Arcade Fire? Why sharp shredded cheddar cheese, of course. Duh.*

Ha, my stomach accidentally chose my next song, as it pressed up against the "next" button on the font of my laptop while I was setting down my bowl of shredded cheese: "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse. Who here knows I dig MM? I went inside and got some honey roasted peanuts. Because the cheese could not stand alone. What was playing when I returned? "Marching Bands of Manhattan," by Death Cab. I just like this song...how it sounds...that's all. And I like peanuts. Oh dear. Next song, I love. "Satin In a Coffin," by Modest Mouse. Kinda disturbing, but I likey.

Let me take this opportunity to complain. iTunes: why you repeat songs? It's supposed to be random, but out of 75 songs, why you gotta play me one you just played 4 tunes ago? Really? Jeeze.

Ok, better. Barenaked Ladies, "Thanks That Was Fun." Really, it's just Ed Robertson, singing with his acoustic guitar in his bathroom. (good acoustics, apparently) This song was my theme song for the new year. Perfect, I think. Plus Ed is hottt and I love the way he sings this during this Bathroom Session. Raw. Real. Like. Next, I listened to "The Sound of Settling," by Death Cab, only because my daughter LOVES it. I just like it. To me, it's a nice, catchy tune. To her, it's an anthem.

Here's something I have to say, and I've wanted to say for years: Jason Plumb is amazing. He's a Canadian singer, and his stuff isn't readily available in the States. That's ok, because I don't think you should buy (at least) his solo CD. Because it doesn't represent him. It's (my definition of) overproduced. However, if you ever have the chance to see him or check him out on youtube) live, you'd see that he's fantastic. The voice = overwhelming. Perfect. That's all.

Also, "Nothing Better" by The Postal Service? Nothing better. Really. And I love Jenny Lewis. You knew this already though, right? "Don't you feed me lies about some idealistic future..." Right? Ambulance LTD's "Stay Tuned" is a good listen. I hear "The Comeback" by The Shout Out Louds everyday at work, because the tone that signals a conference call between one of our teamz and outside techs matches the opening note of "The Comeback." I like the song, luckily. :) And now, I think this Shins tune, "Gone For Good" will have to be my last one. Because it's 1:37am, and I need to force myself to go to sleep because I have to get up for work in the morning. I love The Shins and this song is beautiful and melodic and honest.

Goodnight.