Hm. Work, Bodies, and Hair...this is living, baby!

Ok, right. I have been employed by IT division of large company for 2 weeks, 2 days now. Today, Clueless Lady came to me and asked me how to do her job. Really? I don't say this to brag that I'm great at what I do; just to illustrate that she's horrible at what she does. How did she get hired? How does she remain employed?

The bathroom on my floor at work is nice. Not luxurious, but always clean and it has nice amenities. The soap dispensers and faucets are automatic, and the toilets flush automatically. It's nice that I don't have to touch to flush, but you know those things are trigger-happy about flushing. I experienced that particular luxury at my old company, and can say that I don't prefer unexpected bidet treatment. But I love the soap/faucet deal. Except? When the soap dispenses, it sounds like it's coming from the handicap stall across from the sinks. Like totally. Which is odd and a little puzzling, but today some chick was lingering (read: taking a dump) in the handicap stall when I washed my hands. How weird and distracting must that be for her? She's concentrating on her task at hand, when suddenly a jarring noise emits from someplace under? behind? her. I could imagine it either interrupted her process or perhaps helped it along. Either way, strange.

Today, I forgot to take a plastic fork to accompany my Lean Cuisine, so I had to forage for plasticwear at lunchtime. The best I could come up with was a spoon. So I ate my spaghetti with meat sauce, mushrooms, and basil with a plastic spoon. Speaking of lunch, I should voice my Wants more frequently, because my sister bought me a sweet (and cute!) insulated lunch carrier thingy. It has polka dots and is mucho roomy. Thanks, Ames!

I used to get annoyed when people said "thingy." Like, at my old job, there was this one chick - we'll call her Mathy - who referred to anything that wasn't the mainframe as a "thingy." I helped to develop this Access database for a certain program we administered. Whenever she called my db a "thingy," I got so hot under the collar. You don't call my shit "thingies!" And here I am, calling things "thingies" left and right. Hypocrite.

I have a secret to tell you: I think I might like wearing dresses and skirts. Not dresses or skirts that require pantyhose or tights. So summery, casual dresses or skirts are what I'm talking about. I might even not hate my legs. I might even like them a bit. Just a bit.

In addition, I might be developing collar bones! I haven't really seen them in ages, and it's not like they're protruding or anything - they never will...I'm just not built that way. But when I move my shoulder forward, I can kinda see a bone there, where your collar bone is supposed to be. Yay!

Speaking of bodies and weight, I have to be careful at work. The guy who sits across from me (and who I watch fall asleep in regular intervals) always has good stuff at his desk. And by good stuff, I mean bad stuff. Cookies. Wafers. Snacky, yummy, goodies. Today he gave me a York Peppermint Patty. I hear they are fat-free. It was minty and refreshing, and when I told him it made me feel like I was standing upon a mountain in Switzerland, he gave me a strange look. Imagine. Really. The nerve.

If you could pick one place in the United States to live that is not where you live right now, where would it be? I think I would choose a place that is near the ocean, yet inland. So, maybe like 2 hours away from the ocean. Someplace in North Carolina, perhaps? I'd want the cost of living to be reasonable. Obvs, it would have to have a good public school system. Good libraries. Decent economy. And close to a major city...because living in a Cincinnati suburb all my life has spoiled the hell out of me. I am close to major sporting events, theater, museums, an aquarium, all kinds of cultural crap. Easy access to expressways, hospitals, tons of restaurants, a myriad of shopping malls. Awesome libraries on our side of the river. It's supercool that you can go 20 miles in one direction and be in the ci-tay or go 20 miles in the other direction and see cows! That's that. Big drawback? This area is so. conservative. We are Catholic. We hate change. We are racist. We think marriage is a sacrament to be entered into by a man and a woman. We kinda suck. So. I'd like to live in an area that is progressive, yet family-friendly. Any suggs?

I'd now like to tell y'all about the razor I bought last night. It's the Schick Quattro For Women Trim Style. With it, you can shave, trim, and transform. Because I'd like to discover the confidence that comes with all-over smoothness and a neat bikini area. (Also, I needed a new razor, and it was on sale.) And obvs, I would look like the boogie-boarding chicks on the website if I use the razor, no? Except, I'd strongly prefer not to look like the blonde on the right....because she is blonde, and you can see her ribcage. And those abs? Hahahaha. Never. Even the brunette on the left is too skinny. But I'll take it. Plus, pink boogie boards are cooler than blue ones. And the site has some useful Q&As....funny, too:

Can I trim to different lengths? How do I do this?

Doesn't a gal like to change her hairstyle now and then? That's why you can select from three adjustable trimmer lengths to get as neat as you'd like (or as bare as you dare). Simply push the comb at the tail of the razor to choose how short you want to go - or remove the comb completely for the neatest trim possible. It's all up to you. As always, care should be taken when using any razor or trimmer, especially in sensitive areas or on delicate skin.

On that note...happy Tuesday Evening!