Everybody knows, these are rock hard times

Today, you could say my feelings, thoughts, emotions, senses are very close to the surface. I feel raw and exposed and a little underprotected. Simultaneously, I sort of feel like crying and I sort of feel like laughing. I feel like curling up in bed and throwing the covers over my head and staying there for three days...and I feel like going for a long walk on a long trail and enjoying the sights and the sounds and the scents and the feeling of non-humid air. I feel dead tired, yet I'm full of nervous energy. It's crazy to feel so much all at once. I feel like if the right person hugged me in the right way right now, I'd break down and blubber into their shirt. You know, tears, sobs, snot, red face...that kind of thing.

Things are just not great right now. There've been some changes, some realizations, and some actions that have rocked me a bit and I just need to absorb the information, make decisions, and move forward. I've already chosen how to handle myself from here on out, and unfortunately the way I'm needing to behave and proceed is not true to my "inner being" or whatever. I'm having to put on a coat of armor and a mask that is not my own. It's very important for me to be genuine and to be myself in most areas of my life, but I'm finding that there are times when an alter-ego needs to make an appearance. It's ok for that to happen, and it's even appropriate and necessary.

So, to some, all that might sound vague and rantish. To others, it will make sense (I hope). I'm determined not to drag details out for all to see. I've done the dirty laundry thing before and I just didn't feel good about it. I guess, just know that I'm going through a tough time and am needing to do things that make me feel uncomfortable and selfish and uncaring. I'm standing up for myself as well as those important to me, and it may come off as overly-assertive - but it does need to be done. Trust me, I tried alternate ways of dealing with things and they did not work in my favor in the least. And also, if you give me a hug, I might snot on your shirt.

More non-heavy, non-vague, non-gooey stuff later. I promise.