While the rest of the world watches Lost...

...I will type a medium-ish blog entry for nearly two hours.

I might just scream.  But no one would hear me, since everyone's engrossed in Lost.  I had like four fast and furious paragraphs typed, when I got hot and uncomfortable and decided to change positions.  Thus yanking the ac adapter cord from the back of my laptop.  Upon restarting, I learned that none of my words had saved.  Were they worth saving anyway?  Who knows.  I'm gonna try to type 'em again, if I can remember.  Like I said, they were quickly spewed out thoughts...

I think I started with something like, I want to blog today, but I'm having a hard time putting thoughts into words, blah blah blah, and I'm not even gonna try to do anything cohesive here today.  I think there was more, but that's the gist.  Also, deep down, I truly believe 'gist' should be spelled with a 'j.'

I don't watch Lost.  I've never seen a single episode.  I might be lying.  I may have watched one from the first season, or at least part of it.  Is that guy from Party of Five still on?  Did the fat guy with the curly hair get skinny?  Didn't the actor lose like a gazillion pounds?  I heard a rumor that the cast of Gilligan's Island was gonna show up on the finale.  Or was it the Harlem Globetrotters?

I could fall asleep right now.  I took a two hour nap earlier, which is about an hour too long, and I've not  fully woken up since. But I'm lying here in bed, the ceiling fan is keeping me cool, and my eyes really feel like closing.  My brain doesn't, though. 

Does everything happen for a reason?  Are we in control of our choices?  Are life's experiences opportunities for learning?  Or is it just a load of randomness?  Should we try to control the events that happen or should we let life guide us?  Do we let ourselves learn from our mistakes or do we try to prevent mistakes from happening in the first place?

Do you know the band stellastarr*?  Until only very recently, I have pronounced this name as "stellstarr*"....without the first 'a' - but definitely with the asterisk.  That's ok, cause my brother-in-law calls them "stellarstarr*" ....stellar.

I think the word 'asterisk' is very awkward.  Much like the word 'awkward.'

Do you think I'm a genuine person or am I full of shit?  Does it matter what you think?  Of course it does.  Otherwise, all I have is my own perception of myself to go by, and we are all way more critical about ourselves than necessary, right?  I feel like I strive to be genuine, but much of the time I feel like a mess.  I've been thinking about validation, since it was observed that I tend to seek it.  I do.  No surprise to me.  Don't we all, though?  I think some people are more extreme about it, by like judging others to feel better about themselves, or staying in an unhealthy relationship just to feel wanted....I don't think I fall onto that part of the spectrum.  I'm more of the "looking to others as a source of good emotions" type of validation-seeker.  Do you approve of me?  Do you think I'm a good person? Do you think I'm beautiful?  Do you think I'm smart?  Ugh! Right?  Not real pleased with this aspect of my personality.  Obviously, my source of good emotions needs to come from within.  And whatever approval I receive from others can just supplement that approval I give myself.  Now, to apply it!

Ok, my brain is officially tired now and I will read until my eyes must close.