Bloody Bollocks

With this post, I will lose most of my male readership.

I am having the heaviest period of my life (well, outside of that post-birth nonsense).  I am on the pill, so my periods are mostly predictable:

Starts out light, so, like, Regular absorbency tampons on day one.  Day two ramps up a bit, but not over-the-top, and I get to bust out the Super tampons.  Day three gets slightly CSI, and it's Super Plus for two days.  Then it trickles down to manageable and we get to switch back to the Regulars until I'm all dried up and happy again.

But.  I have been under Big Stress...work and work and work, plus some emotional discourse.  And I guess that affects the ole flow.  I started at work Saturday, which is rawkin' awesome...I always love starting at work.  After a whole day of explosive diarrhea, at that.  Anyway, all I had were Super absorbancy tampons at work.  And guess what?  That was not enough!  It was like Niagra, and on the way home Saturday night, I stopped at Walgreens to get THE ULTRA ABSORBENCY tampons.  You know, the you're-really-going-to-get-Toxic-Shock-Syndrome-now tampons.  Since then, every two hours I am on the verge of a very messy bathroom.  More CSI than you can imagine.  And it's freaking Monday and this junk is still going strong!

Luckily, I have no cramps or extreme irritability.  It's just the gargantuan amount of uterine lining that's gushing out of me.  And understandably, I'm stinking tired as a result of the extreme blood loss. 

It's not been seven days yet, and I don't care.  I just popped a day one birth control pill.

Are you super-happy I shared?  Maybe tomorrow I'll talk about ingrown pubic hairs or something.

Also, you're welcome, men.