Yesterday caught me by surprise. It started out fine. I got the kids up, helped them get ready, packed lunches, and took them to school. Easy morning - no complaining, no fits over putting on socks, happy happy. I had the whole/day night to myself, since the ex had them for trick or treat. I did some cleaning and craploads of laundry. But as the day progressed, I found myself in a really crappy mood. Maybe it's because I wasn't getting the kids for Halloween. Into the evening, I had the whole I Feel Sorry For Myself/I'm Not Good Enough thing going on. Didn't feel like doing anything to make that better, so just decided to go to sleep.
Woke up bright and early today with a bit of a Self Pity hangover, but got started right away on folding the two tons of clean laundry that had been living on my bed for days. Finishing the cleaning I started yesterday. Got the coffee going. Starting to feel better. Have lots to be thankful for and I know deep down I'm good enough for practically anything. Maybe I needed a day yesterday to absorb all the bad stuff and just wallow in it.
The past week+ has been riddled with loss...in my family, in friends' families. Also remembering past losses. That shit catches up with you. I'd like to be able to comfort my friends and family. I'd like to be able to comfort myself. But that stuff is just something you have to live through.
Today, I get to visit with a good friend and then pick my kids up from school. I miss 'em. I'm sure I'll get awesome recounts of their trick or treat experience over dinner. I have cool Halloween lollipops for them. I have already decided I'm asking my sister if we can trick or treat with her family next year. Onward!
Here's to a feeling-good Tuesday. Man, this coffee is good.
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