Things bother me

So, yeah, things are bothering me. 

Yeah, I know if something is not right in your life, you should make a change (or changes) to improve the situation.  Easy said.  Hard do.  There are several items that I need to either adjust my attitude about or actually take steps to improve. 

List them, think about them, make decisions.

I am so freaking lazy.  I need to budget and figure out what needs to get paid and when.  Only issue is money needing to go out exceeds money currently coming in.  I still have not received my divorce settlement.  My attorney wasn't going to file for it until I paid her off, but she agreed to go ahead and file without being paid as long as I pay her as soon as I receive the $$$.  Which I think is fair.  More than anyone, she knows my financial situation and I'd think should understand that I ain't got no money to pay her.  So, apparently, if you aren't an upfront-paying client, your stuff gets pushed to the bottom of the priority list.  Her partner has finally drafted the request, has sent it to the ex's attorney for approval (why?  not sure, since it's exactly what was in the divorce decree), but has not yet heard back from the ex's attorney.  After that, it gets sent to his employer, and they give me the portion of the 401k I'm due.  Sounds easy.  Is not.  What more can I do to make this happen?  I send weekly emails to my attorney's partner for updates. 

What else...oh, my third grader won't turn in his homework.  He works his butt off each night completing his work, but says he doesn't have time to turn it in during his morning routine at school.  I can't turn it in for him.  His teachers aren't going to hold his hand and make him do it.  I'm at a loss.  Also, he's hugely distracted at school.  I met with his teachers last week, and they suggested having the school's psychologist come in and discreetly observe his actions compared to his peers', and then report back to us.  His dad and I are completely aware that his mind wanders frequently.  Not sure what to do on this one, either.  Hopefully, the psychologist will have focusing techniques we can use to help him pay attention.  In the back of my mind is the big ADD elephant.  This has never been suggested to us, but I feel it coming.  And I have a preconceived dislike for medicating for ADD.  But that's the result of working with school age kids like 16 years ago.  Where I saw kids medicated for ADD sitting around like zombies.  I obviously don't want that for my son....but I also need to realize that was 16 years ago, and medications change and therapies change, so I need to force my mind to be open on the matter.

I can't stand when people chew with their mouths open and I don't know how to make myself not care about it.  People are going to do it, and disgusting as it is, I know I need to desensitize myself to it. 

Back to me being lazy.  I have creative energy.  I want to write.  I want to take pictures.  Instead, I find myself sitting around and not doing those things.  Or being too tired.  I don't want to lose my zest for living.  I want to keep going, keep finding the interesting, put the energy to use.  (I get to do the photo thing this weekend, yay!)  However, I think one of the things that keeps me from actively creating is that it will begin to feel like A JOB.  A chore.  I want to keep it positive...not another task.  Which is why I slack so much on blog entries and picture-taking.  There's a balance, I know...I just need to find it.

More and more, it's bothering me that I don't have anyone in my life (a partner, I guess) to share things with.  That I no longer have a mom/dad/kids family.  But, I am pretty sure that's not possible right now.  I'm pretty sure I don't want that right now.  It's confusing:  I truly don't want a relationship with a dude or a stand-in daddy for my children, but I like the idea of it.  So why do I waste so much time worrying about what's missing if I am not even open to filling that spot?  Confounded. 

Wow, that exercise was exhausting!  Bothersome. ;)