Ok, so it's not creative at all...it's just spew

Ever feel like releasing some creative energy, but your body is too tired? Maybe your mind is too tired, too? But it wants to come out? Not sure that is the best time for sharable results, but they can't all be winners, right? That's where I am tonight. Long day - great parts, good parts, awful parts, frustrating parts, and just "I'm here" parts. Parenting is hard, especially for those of us who run short on patience. At this point, the kids are in bed...I know one is soundly sleeping. I know the boys are talking, but at least they're doing it quietly - and are not throwing things at each other.

It's really a beautiful night outside. Very mild temps...I'm wearing a tshirt, jeans and a hoodie and feel a bit overdressed. A little bit of light rain blew through for a couple of minutes, but the radar promises some rain-free time yet tonight. You better not be lying to me, radar.

This past week, I've worn a number of hats: bad mother, person who makes too many mistakes, irresponsible, selfish, game-player, awesome mother, great person, worker with lots of potential, person who makes others happy, beautiful, asshole, stubborn girl, lazy...just to name a few. Is it confusing when one person tells you you're scum and another tells you you're amazing? Yes. Probably, I'm neither. Or probably, I'm both.

This past week, I've been tired, energized (but mostly tired), elated, satisfied, comforted, alone, irritated, humiliated, content, blissful (yes, actually blissful - the state really does exist), excited, bored, uncomfortable, confused, pleased, accomplished, entertained, amazed, uncomfortable...life really is complex. I'm a collection of all these things. Aren't we all?

Of the things that energize and fuel me, music and fresh air are tops. And people. I recorded a mix CD (well two CDs) for Boulder Coolie*, but they remained in my purse, unshipped, all week. Today, I learned that it's fortunate that I didn't ship them, because one of the songs is corrupted...or gurgled up...or just wrong. Tonight, I'll redo them, complete with a couple of new songs that I neglected to include the first time. And I'm totally going to mail them Monday, I will.

Little drops of rain, blowing in again...time to consult the radar...doesn't appear to be strong or long-lasting. Let's hope not. I'm not ready to go inside. Why am I so intent on sitting outside tonight? Because the weather is about to turn...again. We've been enjoying an Indian Summer, sort of. I have to soak this stuff up, or I'll have regrets. I don't want any of those.

Today, Claire requested a "vegetarian buffet" for lunch. Luke asked why pants are called pants. And Cam declared, "I'm having a BAD day."

More on my fixation. What is sexier than watching John Roderick play guitar? His voice? Watching him sing? His sideburns? Hmmmm. (thank goodness for YouTube)

Want to discover a Long Winters tune? Try "Honest." Go for it...move ahead.

P.S. One of the most fabulous things about watching The Long Winters play live is J.R.'s expression of pure joy and happiness as he sings/plays. He *is* the music. How crazy am I?

*her real name is Julie