Saturday is for...

...relaxation, right?  That is what my Saturdays have been made of for a while.  I was really getting used to my solitary Saturday routine.  This weekend, though, is different.  Ex is moving out of his furnished efficiency apartment, thus obviously needs all of Friday night, Saturday, Saturday night and Sunday morning to move his clothes, personal items, and dishes to his new place of residence.  (Please do not ask me to explain his new place of residence; I won't go there.)  So, I have the kids.

We are all driving each other batty, the kids and I.  I think early naptime is in order, since they all look like tired zombies.  After naps, I'd like to head to the library to get a book on spirituality (really. what? you don't see me as enlightened?), a workout dvd, and to let the kids play in the play area and pick out books.  Then, my plan is to head to the park so the kids can burn off ENERGY and I can read in the relatively warmish weather.  Then, it's home for chicken quesadilla night.  I'm gonna be exhausted.  Early bedtime for babes?  I'm thinking yes.

So, the thing is, I'm not the only one who's gotten used to the routine.  Surprise!  Kids thrive on routines.  They are asking me all day about seeing daddy.  Sleeping over at daddy's. daddy, daddy, daddy.  He's a star.  It's also not surprising that all three of them are acting out like crazy.  And I'm not exactly Mother of the Year, so I'm having a difficult time dealing.

So, ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.  Big ones coming.  I'm already changing the dynamic of my relationship with the ex.  There will always be a relationship, no matter how much that sucks.  I'm all Pacifist Girl, but that junk is getting me walked upon and angry.  I've decided to go from the middle/right almost all the way to the left.  I am standing up for my rights in a big way.  No more Ms. Nice Chica.  Sorry if it inconveniences you.  That sucks.  We all have to deal with inconveniences, and no one really deserves special consideration.  Life is hard.  And especially if you consciously make decisions that put you in hard circumstances, that is just something that has to be accepted.

Also, I feel a job coming on very soon.  My interview went great Friday.  Not my dream job, by any stretch, but I have a really good attitude about the possibilities.  It would put me in a great position to gain tons of knowledge and experience.  Up, up, up.  Well, maybe I shouldn't get my hopes totally up (again) but it's hard not to consider possibilities and start making preliminary plans for the future.  The job has unconventional working hours.  I'd be working 1pm - 9pm, which would really eff up the proposed shared parenting agreement.  I'm not sure how that would be worked out, but I'm not going to let myself waste time and worry over the details, when the job's not a sure thing.

I can't wait to get my own place.  With my own income.  I hate being dependent on someone else.  Someone who resents me for, oh, just about everything.  It's a huge weight.  It sounds dramatic, but I feel like I'm wrapped in some kind of cloak of darkness, with little control and lots of sacrifices to make.  I can't wait to escape.

Until then, it's life as usual.  Need to come up with some lunch for these guys so I can get them off to bed and I can get a long, hot shower.  That sounds magical right about now.