Fruit Expert

It has happened again, folks.  I was at the grocery store, picking out some produce, when a befuddled gentleman with a crazy look in his eye let out a funny noise (I think it was a sigh) and asked me, "Do you know what a Gala apple is?"  Poor guy.  I was actually standing next to the Galas, so I told him, "The Galas are right here."  He thanked me profusely and then said, "It doesn't matter what I get...I always get the wrong thing."  I just sort of smiled and carted away.  Awkward, there, Fella.

So again with the apples.  Again.

Feeling experty and awkard, I ambled my way over to the cantaloupe, where a woman was standing, gazing at the melons.  (that sounded trashy romance novelish, eh?  amateur porn?)  I proceeded to feel up a few melons and was about to walk away when the lady asked, "How do you know if they're ripe?"  *Sigh*  Seriously, people, am I the only one who knows how to shop for freaking produce?  And do I look like a fruit expert?  I smiled, and said, "You push on its belly button there, and if it gives and feels soft, it's ripe.  These aren't ripe.  Too early, still." She just looked at me blankly.  Is it because I referred to an area of a cantaloupe as a belly button?  Whatever, chick.  You don't know your fruit.

It all makes me wonder...why the heck me?  Do I look approachable?  Hello? This is me!  On a good day!

In which my hair is neither "foxy" nor "curly."

Add to my ever-present scowl a wandering look of confusion, and a cart, and you have Grocery Shopping Me.  People should be frightened by this, right?  I wouldn't think shoppers would look my way and think "Expert" in any way, shape, or form.

But obviously, despite my appearance, I must exude Fruit Confidence.  I just know my fruit.  What can I say?