Low

I effing hate myself right now. I feel like I felt before. Before the happy pills. I am having a craptastic day. I've been an awful mom, yelling at the kids like a maniac and being unrealistically impatient with them. I can recognize that I'm out of control, yet I can't seem to reel myself in. My head feels as if it will explode and my chest is tight and hurting. The kids, I know, are being exceptionally awful as well. I'm sure we are playing off of each other. They will just not listen to me at all. The amount of disrespect the boys are showing me is unbelievable. And it really makes me feel sorry for myself. I'm being such a baby. I told them that if they don't listen to me, they're on their own. They can do whatever they want. No rules. No Mom. I'm on strike. They don't care. Cam made them dinner. He gave everyone peanut butter on a spoon, ham, and pineapple. Right now, they're jumping over/stomping on a pack of toilet paper I bought today. But I'm not supposed to care. No rules. This is totally biting me in the ass. Serves me right - I should have been a freaking adult to begin with.