W*l-Ma*t

F-ing Wal-Mart. Cam and Luke had been saying for a month that they wanted to be ghosts for Halloween. I was like, ooh, I'll be all creative and crafty and make their costumes. After a few weeks of "thinking" about making them, I decided materials and labor would be too costly and chose to go the store-bought costume route. Nothin' wrong with that. I got a hot tip that The Wal Marts had ghost costumes early last week, so while Cam and Luke were at their respective learning environments, Claire and I hit the Mart. I don't shop at Wal Mart. I don't even know how to spell it. I am happy to pay 3.50 more at Target and Kroger(s). Since we entered the Mart at around 9:45am, it wasn't crowded, and we only smelled like one stinky person and only saw one baby in just a diaper and only heard two moms berating their kids in a disgusted tone. We got our stuff (including some really good produce) and were pleased to see several checkout lines open. We went to one in the middle, with only one person in front of us. The cashier guy was clean, polite and scanned/bagged quickly. He seemed to be pleased to be at work. I was freaking ecstatic about our Wal Mart experience! Especially because of the produce.

Anyway, Wednesday, the boys decided that their ghost costumes were too scary, and that they then wanted to be pirates, no superheros. So I went to an expensive temporary Halloween warehouse place that takes no returns and bought them Superman and Spiderman costumes. Thursday, while the boys were at their respective learning environments, Claire and I went to The Wal Marts to return the scary ghost costumes, and to pick up a few more items, including more produce. I hate making returns at Wal Mart - the customer service chicks are generally haggard, smelly bitches who hate humanity, themselves and most of all, their employer. However, Thursday, the customer service ladies were a pleasure! They laughed about the scary costume story and "flirted" with Claire. All smiles, very customer service-y. Got my stuff, including more bananas, strawberries and plums, and headed to the checkout. Like 3 lines were open. All of them long. None of them moving. We stood in line with the other disgruntled, disgusted, whiny, negative Wal-Mart shoppers for 20 minutes. Finally, another cashier opened a lane and we were second in it. Not very nice, but she didn't stink, and she was fast.

So, my point. Don't let W*l-Ma*t fool you. You could have one good experience out of, say, 15. But the place will always redeem its shitty side. And never, never go to WM after work or on the weekend, unless it's an emergency. Will I go back for the produce? Maybe. Maybe this Winter, when nothing is in season and our rinky-dinky Independence Kroger is having one of its many produce off-days, maybe then. But I'll have to be desperate.