Time to be candid

To be completely truthful, I haven't felt myself for quite some time now. Like, since Luke was born. I hate to be quick to put a label on things, but think: bitchy, focusing only on the negative, irritable, angry (rageful, even), tired, tense. I visited my family doctor when Luke was several months old. It took tons of courage, but I did it. She thought that it could be postpartum depression, but was hesitant to prescribe anything since I was nursing Luke. We agreed that diet, exercise, sunlight and getting out and about could help until I finished nursing. Then I got pregnant with Claire, even before I was finished nursing Luke. While I pregnant with Claire, aside from the 'normal' hormonal mess that is gestation, I felt better. Well, now, I don't feel better. I feel awful, and I don't know what to do about it. I hate being this way...I feel like I'm not even seeing my kids for who they are as a whole. I'm tired of dwelling on their negative actions. I'm tired of being a tense ball of nerves, of feeling like I have no purpose, of existing each day instead of 'living.' So, I'm going to make another appointment with my doctor Monday. Claire has all but given up nursing (which sucks), so that won't be a factor this time. I'm really really scared to make the call. I guess it doesn't make sense, but I just don't want to admit I'm a failure...again.