Friday, April 28, 2006
Wasa up with that?
So, totally TMI entry today. I've been obnoxiously, horribly constipated. Bloated, gassy, the works. I bought some Wasa crackers the other night - the multi-grain variety. Can I say, barfarooni? I mean, those things are like tree bark. The only think that allowed me to finish an entire "crispbread" is the fact that it was completely coated in The Laughing Cow Garlic and Herb cheese spread. I mean, I can't imagine why these things taste so bad, what with the 100% natural ingredients of whole grain rye flour, whole grain wheat flour, whole grain oat flour, whole grain barley flour, yeast, malted oats, rye bran and such... And the tree bark didn't even help with my, um, dry spell.
Last night, I took a dose of Fibercon, the fiber therapy that's "safe and gentle." Yeah. Safe, my ass. Check out this warning: "Taking this product without adequate fluid may cause it to swell and block your throat or esophagus and may cause choking." Oh my god! What if I get distracted right after taking my safe and gentle pills by, say, a screaming 6-month-old or an almost-3-year-old who is trying to ride the arthritic dog like a horse, and forget to down my 8-ounce glass of water? I could die!! And that would be even worse than being constipated!
OK, so, the Fribercon seems to have done its job. This morning, I find myself alive and well (no choking episodes during the night) and my bottom has seen the toilet seat twice so far. Can't say it's been gentle, however. That's a bunch of crap. No pun intended, really. I got to thinking, why is my system so effed up? I was in this same situation last week, as well. It's almost the way it was when.....OH MY GOD....when I was pregnant. No, say it isn't so. Really. Now isn't the time for those thoughts. There's no other reason to think I'm pregnant. I haven't even gotten my period yet (at least I don't think so....I did have some massive bleeding about 6 weeks after I had Luke, but I think that was renewed postpartum bleeding, and I haven't seen a drop since). OK, no, that's out. I think it's just my diet. Need more bulk. Need to drink more water.
Alrighty, time to end this, don't you think? Wishing you lots of regularity this weekend.
Last night, I took a dose of Fibercon, the fiber therapy that's "safe and gentle." Yeah. Safe, my ass. Check out this warning: "Taking this product without adequate fluid may cause it to swell and block your throat or esophagus and may cause choking." Oh my god! What if I get distracted right after taking my safe and gentle pills by, say, a screaming 6-month-old or an almost-3-year-old who is trying to ride the arthritic dog like a horse, and forget to down my 8-ounce glass of water? I could die!! And that would be even worse than being constipated!
OK, so, the Fribercon seems to have done its job. This morning, I find myself alive and well (no choking episodes during the night) and my bottom has seen the toilet seat twice so far. Can't say it's been gentle, however. That's a bunch of crap. No pun intended, really. I got to thinking, why is my system so effed up? I was in this same situation last week, as well. It's almost the way it was when.....OH MY GOD....when I was pregnant. No, say it isn't so. Really. Now isn't the time for those thoughts. There's no other reason to think I'm pregnant. I haven't even gotten my period yet (at least I don't think so....I did have some massive bleeding about 6 weeks after I had Luke, but I think that was renewed postpartum bleeding, and I haven't seen a drop since). OK, no, that's out. I think it's just my diet. Need more bulk. Need to drink more water.
Alrighty, time to end this, don't you think? Wishing you lots of regularity this weekend.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Beans
I don't like the green ones.
I like the yellow ones. I think I'll rank them as my favorite.
The whitish ones are ok. I thought I liked them more, though.
The purple ones make me gag.
The pink ones are good, but not as good as the yellow ones.
The black ones bring back good memories, but I can only eat a couple at a time.
Oh, wait. Here's an orange one. It's ok.
I like the yellow ones. I think I'll rank them as my favorite.
The whitish ones are ok. I thought I liked them more, though.
The purple ones make me gag.
The pink ones are good, but not as good as the yellow ones.
The black ones bring back good memories, but I can only eat a couple at a time.
Oh, wait. Here's an orange one. It's ok.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Book talk
I think a funny-looking word is 'normalcy'....it just doesn't look, well, normal. I think it's the 'l' followed by the 'c'.
I finished Begin to Exit Here: A Novel of the Wayward Press last night. I totally, totally love John Welter's style. It's a shame he's only written three novels. And now I've read two of them. If you like ironic wit, go out and buy Begin to Exit Here...or ask to borrow my copy. It's really very good. Now I just have to decide whether to purchase and quickly read the only Welter book I haven't yet read, or wait a little while, so I can stretch out my Welter-ness....
I never really "reviewed" my Laurie Notaro books....they were....ok. I mean, some of the essays were funny. Lots of laugh-my-ass-off moments, but something about many of them made me feel slighted. Maybe not slighted, but empty? I think Notaro's personality is way too harsh for me. She's very confrontational and often rude. A little bit of ranting goes a long way, in my book. She rants her patookie off. (oh my god, I said patookie.) I enjoyed We Thought You Would Be Prettier more than I Love Everybody. I don't think it was because the latter was better; I just think I had gotten used to Notaro's pessimistic view of everything. I'm not sorry I read the two collections of essays - I just don't know if I would recommend them to all of my friends.
So, now I'm on to Naked by David Sedaris. It's the last non-read book I have. I pretty much know I'll like it...you can't go wrong with some Sedaris. I wish, though, I were more in the mood for essay-reading. I totally have a taste for some fiction. So I hope that doesn't hamper my D.S. experience.
Well, damn it all - it's raining. And I have to clean. The air conditioning guy is coming at 5:00 to start up and test our new A/C. Not that he will probably even give two shits whether my house is presentable or not...but I just have to make it decent anyway. Cheers.
I finished Begin to Exit Here: A Novel of the Wayward Press last night. I totally, totally love John Welter's style. It's a shame he's only written three novels. And now I've read two of them. If you like ironic wit, go out and buy Begin to Exit Here...or ask to borrow my copy. It's really very good. Now I just have to decide whether to purchase and quickly read the only Welter book I haven't yet read, or wait a little while, so I can stretch out my Welter-ness....
I never really "reviewed" my Laurie Notaro books....they were....ok. I mean, some of the essays were funny. Lots of laugh-my-ass-off moments, but something about many of them made me feel slighted. Maybe not slighted, but empty? I think Notaro's personality is way too harsh for me. She's very confrontational and often rude. A little bit of ranting goes a long way, in my book. She rants her patookie off. (oh my god, I said patookie.) I enjoyed We Thought You Would Be Prettier more than I Love Everybody. I don't think it was because the latter was better; I just think I had gotten used to Notaro's pessimistic view of everything. I'm not sorry I read the two collections of essays - I just don't know if I would recommend them to all of my friends.
So, now I'm on to Naked by David Sedaris. It's the last non-read book I have. I pretty much know I'll like it...you can't go wrong with some Sedaris. I wish, though, I were more in the mood for essay-reading. I totally have a taste for some fiction. So I hope that doesn't hamper my D.S. experience.
Well, damn it all - it's raining. And I have to clean. The air conditioning guy is coming at 5:00 to start up and test our new A/C. Not that he will probably even give two shits whether my house is presentable or not...but I just have to make it decent anyway. Cheers.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Hello from the trailer park
I think I've mentioned that our neighborhood isn't the greatest. I mean, it's not awful or anything, but it's been much better. I totally preferred it when the most annoying thing about where we live was when our next door neighbors kept insisting one summer (to the point of weirdness) that we come over and swim in their pool.
Now, we have people across the street with a monster truck and two dogs that escape the yard every time the are let out to pee ("I just can't control them!" laughs the most adult person - the mother, I assume - who lives among many in the 2-bedroom house. No, really? Well, let me tell you about a device called a LEASH! Amazing invention.)
Then there's the "dude" two doors down named Tony whose wife left him a few years back. I haven't seen them in quite a while, but he has lots of "buddies" who used to hang out there and work on their cars. You might remember the famous butt crack post I made last February. That's one of his buddies. Well, now, the problem isn't hilljack-mechanic-wannabes who look as if they last bathed in 1986....now it's Tony's newly-teenage sons, who, THANK GOD, he only has on weekends and sporadically through the week. They are outside, blaring music ALL THE TIME. At all hours. Tony is never home anymore, so there's, like, no supervision. They play basketball in the driveway all day long.
But that's nothing. Nothing. Compared to our new next door neighbor. Some background: when Tony moved in, a lovely old couple lived next door. The wife passed away a few years ago, and then more than a year ago, Ray (the husband) had some kind of medical problem (a stroke? I think?), was hospitalized, rehabbed and then moved into an assisted-living place. Ray was an awesome next-door neighbor. You hardly knew he was there. So, the house was vacant for many months, but his family took care of the yard. It was quite nice, but we knew that, eventually, they'd put the house up for sale. Which they did last Fall. No one could be better than Ray (or an empty - yet tended to - house), but we were braced for change. Well, our new neighbor couldn't be worse. Unless he were like a pedophile or ran a meth lab or something. No. Here's what we have. A 24-ish year old city-hillbilly named Dusty who doesn't have a job. His parents actually own the house, but they don't live there. I can't really say he "rents" it, unless he has like a trust-fund or something. He first moved in right after Luke was born, and we didn't see/hear much from him. Then, right after Christmas, he was gone for like 3 months. (jail, maybe) But, happiness! he's back! And he has parties every single night! Yay! I've been up with Luke at 3:30 in the morning and they're still going strong. So, we can't keep the boys' windows open at night, since it is so loud over there (they party on the front porch). There are always tons of guys (and a couple of girls) over there. They all smoke, and while we are lying in bed at night, smoke wafts through our window. These are the kind of people who say "Ay" (think the beginning sound of "eight") instead of "Hey" or "Hello". Muscle shirts (wifebeaters) are common. Dusty, though, rarely wears a shirt. Would you like to see his front porch?
Yes, that's right, he has a big, green, fluffy RECLINER on the front porch. It is flanked on one side by a living room side table, and - you can't see this because the shrub is obstructing it, so you'll just have to trust me - by a round leather ottoman on the other. Very, very classy. I can just feel our property value shooting through the roof now.
Wednesday evening, as we were sitting down to dinner, two police cruisers pulled up and arrested this guy, who seems to be Dusty's best friend:
Oh, it's just so nice to feel part of a community. I have a feeling this is just the tip of the iceburg. We're not financially ready to move yet, and I'm hoping this guy doesn't force us out, making us settle for less house than we want. Hopefully, he'll get arrested and have to serve hard time or something sometime soon...
Now, we have people across the street with a monster truck and two dogs that escape the yard every time the are let out to pee ("I just can't control them!" laughs the most adult person - the mother, I assume - who lives among many in the 2-bedroom house. No, really? Well, let me tell you about a device called a LEASH! Amazing invention.)
Then there's the "dude" two doors down named Tony whose wife left him a few years back. I haven't seen them in quite a while, but he has lots of "buddies" who used to hang out there and work on their cars. You might remember the famous butt crack post I made last February. That's one of his buddies. Well, now, the problem isn't hilljack-mechanic-wannabes who look as if they last bathed in 1986....now it's Tony's newly-teenage sons, who, THANK GOD, he only has on weekends and sporadically through the week. They are outside, blaring music ALL THE TIME. At all hours. Tony is never home anymore, so there's, like, no supervision. They play basketball in the driveway all day long.
But that's nothing. Nothing. Compared to our new next door neighbor. Some background: when Tony moved in, a lovely old couple lived next door. The wife passed away a few years ago, and then more than a year ago, Ray (the husband) had some kind of medical problem (a stroke? I think?), was hospitalized, rehabbed and then moved into an assisted-living place. Ray was an awesome next-door neighbor. You hardly knew he was there. So, the house was vacant for many months, but his family took care of the yard. It was quite nice, but we knew that, eventually, they'd put the house up for sale. Which they did last Fall. No one could be better than Ray (or an empty - yet tended to - house), but we were braced for change. Well, our new neighbor couldn't be worse. Unless he were like a pedophile or ran a meth lab or something. No. Here's what we have. A 24-ish year old city-hillbilly named Dusty who doesn't have a job. His parents actually own the house, but they don't live there. I can't really say he "rents" it, unless he has like a trust-fund or something. He first moved in right after Luke was born, and we didn't see/hear much from him. Then, right after Christmas, he was gone for like 3 months. (jail, maybe) But, happiness! he's back! And he has parties every single night! Yay! I've been up with Luke at 3:30 in the morning and they're still going strong. So, we can't keep the boys' windows open at night, since it is so loud over there (they party on the front porch). There are always tons of guys (and a couple of girls) over there. They all smoke, and while we are lying in bed at night, smoke wafts through our window. These are the kind of people who say "Ay" (think the beginning sound of "eight") instead of "Hey" or "Hello". Muscle shirts (wifebeaters) are common. Dusty, though, rarely wears a shirt. Would you like to see his front porch?
Yes, that's right, he has a big, green, fluffy RECLINER on the front porch. It is flanked on one side by a living room side table, and - you can't see this because the shrub is obstructing it, so you'll just have to trust me - by a round leather ottoman on the other. Very, very classy. I can just feel our property value shooting through the roof now.
Wednesday evening, as we were sitting down to dinner, two police cruisers pulled up and arrested this guy, who seems to be Dusty's best friend:
Oh, it's just so nice to feel part of a community. I have a feeling this is just the tip of the iceburg. We're not financially ready to move yet, and I'm hoping this guy doesn't force us out, making us settle for less house than we want. Hopefully, he'll get arrested and have to serve hard time or something sometime soon...
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Because some folks are so demanding!
Luke's 6-month photos went SO well. Check 'em out here. Start with the pic dated 4/11/06.
Cam ended up being in many, many shots, too!
I have tons to blog about...I'll try to work on it today!
Cam ended up being in many, many shots, too!
I have tons to blog about...I'll try to work on it today!
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Tuesday, tuesday.
Just so you know, that whole no soft drinks for my own special Lent thing didn't work out. Not even close. Although...our house is Coke and Dr. Pepper-less at the moment. It's pretty hard! Not to mention, we're out of napkins or paper towels. For one thing, I'm addicted to paper towels. I use them for everything...cleaning, hand drying, dog puke sopping...you name it. And I'm tired of wiping my hands on my shirt. I am not a boy. Must get to Kroger tonight.
So, can you believe it? This month marks the two-year anniversary of my blog! Not many folks were blogging when I started mine...now everyone and their grandmother has a blog! It's kind of funny to go back and read my first month of entries. Hard to believe that Cameron was ever that little. I guess we'll see I'll still be bloggin' in two more years!
Kids, kids. Well, Luke has learned to roll from his tum to back, from his back to tum, but he's not what you'd call a Roller yet. I mean, he does it QUITE frequently in bed. And occasionally on the floor. But he's not mobile yet. OK with me! He's been fussier than usual lately. I'm pretty sure we can attribute it to teething. He's a drooling fool and always has something in his mouth. Most often my fingers (and he's got a big ole chomp). His gums are really swollen on the bottom front. I'll bet a toother pokes through soon.
Mr. Lucas Joseph Maddox is SIX months today! Time sure flies, dude. We're having his 6-month portraits taken tonight. We're trying a new place called Portrait Innovations. They take a boatload of pics, then you sit and go through them all at the computer and then they print them within 20 minutes. I hope it goes well. I'm going to throw Cam in on a couple, so we can get some brother shots.
Camerona has been kind of fussy these days, too. He gets really upset quickly and over nothing. You know, when a show ends. If I eat "his" M&M (you never know which of the 20 M&Ms you're sharing with him are his). If his block tower falls down (ummm, you pushed it over, C-note..). Stuff like that. He's also very sweet, telling me 50x daily that he loves me "sooooo much, Mom!" And being really nice to Luke. C will sing to him when Luke cries. He'll pick up Luke's toys when he drops (throws) them. He's always kissing over his Baby Lukey.
I got my hair highlighted last month. First, my highlights were too bright (think cherry red). They were supposed to fade, but never did. Then my hair person put a rinse over all of my hair to calm down the bright highlights, making my whole head the red highlight color (albeit a nice shade, just not what I was going for). I talked to Cindy last night and she suggested we do some chunky lowlights to make things right. So, I'm off to get my hair done tomorrow night. Perhaps it will be right this time. I'm not upset over the whole thing...it's kind of typical for me to be atypical. If that makes sense. Leave it to my hair not to do what most people's does.
Ok, Ok, Lukeums is on his back in the crib (gotta love rolling) and fussing majorly, so I need to get him up and give him a bath.
Happy Sunny Tuesday!
So, can you believe it? This month marks the two-year anniversary of my blog! Not many folks were blogging when I started mine...now everyone and their grandmother has a blog! It's kind of funny to go back and read my first month of entries. Hard to believe that Cameron was ever that little. I guess we'll see I'll still be bloggin' in two more years!
Kids, kids. Well, Luke has learned to roll from his tum to back, from his back to tum, but he's not what you'd call a Roller yet. I mean, he does it QUITE frequently in bed. And occasionally on the floor. But he's not mobile yet. OK with me! He's been fussier than usual lately. I'm pretty sure we can attribute it to teething. He's a drooling fool and always has something in his mouth. Most often my fingers (and he's got a big ole chomp). His gums are really swollen on the bottom front. I'll bet a toother pokes through soon.
Mr. Lucas Joseph Maddox is SIX months today! Time sure flies, dude. We're having his 6-month portraits taken tonight. We're trying a new place called Portrait Innovations. They take a boatload of pics, then you sit and go through them all at the computer and then they print them within 20 minutes. I hope it goes well. I'm going to throw Cam in on a couple, so we can get some brother shots.
Camerona has been kind of fussy these days, too. He gets really upset quickly and over nothing. You know, when a show ends. If I eat "his" M&M (you never know which of the 20 M&Ms you're sharing with him are his). If his block tower falls down (ummm, you pushed it over, C-note..). Stuff like that. He's also very sweet, telling me 50x daily that he loves me "sooooo much, Mom!" And being really nice to Luke. C will sing to him when Luke cries. He'll pick up Luke's toys when he drops (throws) them. He's always kissing over his Baby Lukey.
I got my hair highlighted last month. First, my highlights were too bright (think cherry red). They were supposed to fade, but never did. Then my hair person put a rinse over all of my hair to calm down the bright highlights, making my whole head the red highlight color (albeit a nice shade, just not what I was going for). I talked to Cindy last night and she suggested we do some chunky lowlights to make things right. So, I'm off to get my hair done tomorrow night. Perhaps it will be right this time. I'm not upset over the whole thing...it's kind of typical for me to be atypical. If that makes sense. Leave it to my hair not to do what most people's does.
Ok, Ok, Lukeums is on his back in the crib (gotta love rolling) and fussing majorly, so I need to get him up and give him a bath.
Happy Sunny Tuesday!
Monday, April 3, 2006
The importance of grandparents
Alright. So, we had Big Jim's birthday celebration at our house yesterday. What a day it was. First, our lovely Walter peed on Cam's carpet. And I don't mean tinkled. I mean, he let loose and soaked it. It took 1.5 rolls of paper towels just to soak up the pee. I don't know what we're going to do. I think we'll have to get that section of carpet cut out and replaced. I'm certain the padding is soaked. That smell will likely never come out. So then, Jim and Jan get here. Both boys were fresh from their naps. Cam was standing at the door, waiting for them. Luke was swinging happily. Tony was out getting the wings, potato wedges and onion rings. J&J come in and the dogs, of course, go apeshit. Cam is running around, excited to see the dogs freaking out. Hank slams into Luke's swing, scaring the bejeezus out of the little man. He starts crying, so I get him out and just as I stand up to try to comfort him, the lovely Jan snatches the crying baby from my arms. She takes him into the kitchen and is confounded by the fact that he's fussing and crying! So she says - in typical fashion - the phrase she is famous for spewing at our kids, "Oh, you don't know me!" I take him back and settle him down. She thinks it's all about her, dumb bitch. I told her he was just upset from being jarred by Hank and Jan says, "Oh. I didn't even see that happen." Well, shit! Where were you? I mean, you were standing right there when it happened! Anyway. So, Stason and Riley get there, we play, eat, get some good pictures. We're sitting around, talking about that new American Inventor show. Jason told us about some guy who invented a lame go-to-the-bathroom anywhere device when Jan started going on about women who can pee like a man without any gadgets. She said, and I quote, "they just stand like an man and touch themselves so it goes straight." We were like, WHAT? It was so crazy and hilarious and bizarre. She said she's not 100% sure, but she thinks she can see how they do it. She declined to demonstrate. (do these women, like, have parts that I don't have?) So, then, the best part (no, really, the worst worst worst part) of the evening comes. Stason and Riley leave and Jim and Jan are standing around, starting their linger/leave process. Cam's at the table, eating fruit and a cookie. It's raining outside. There's a big ole flash of lightning and a giant boom of thunder cracks. Get this - Jan SCREAMS, SHRIEKS like a crazy woman. Like more than one scream. I've never heard a grown person scream like that before. Cam takes one look at her and then starts screaming and he as the most horrible, frightened look on his face. Tony scooped him up and Cam clung to him like a vice. Luke takes this all in and starts crying as well. I swear, I shot Jan the dirtiest look ever. Why in the hell would she react that way in front of a little kid? Why in the hell would she react that way in the first place? Cam was freaking out. They finally leave, thank God. It's still stormy, but not much loud thunder. So, then Tony goes downstairs to get the carpet cleaner vacuum thing and notices that the stationary tub has standing water in it. We have a clog, yippee. Tony worked on the drain while several lovely thundery storms rolled through. Scary for him. Scary for Cam, too. He huddled up against me (more like buried himself into me) with Baby and Monkey held up to his ears. He whimpered every time the thunder cracked. One time, while I was nursing Luke, Cam was so startled that he slammed his head into Luke's. I couldn't believe it when Cam agreed to go lie down in his big boy bed. He slept in there for two hours and when we checked on him, he was sleeping with his hands covering his ears. How sad is that??! As soon as Tony and I went to bed, the weather siren went off so we turned on the TV and saw more storms coming through. A giant rumble of thunder later, Cam was out of his room crying, saying he wanted to sleep in Mom & Dad's bed. So, he slept plastered to me all night. I'm pretty angry with Jan, to say the least.
PS Thank you for my coupons. You are the sweetest, coolest, nicest friend in the whole world. :)