Piano time
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
What's your job?
So, we do this thing called grocery shopping fairly often. I put all the bags in the fake trunk part of the minivan, except for the bread or eggs. I always ask Luke to keep an eye on them in the back row with him. Today, he grabbed the bag of bread, moved to the back and said, "If I had fifty cents for every time I had to babysit bread...."
Made me giggle, a lot.
Made me giggle, a lot.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Monday, April 30, 2012
Mondayness
I have been a bad, bad blogger, once again. I just suck. No excuses.
So, it's a glorious day. The weather decided to be Spring+ once again. Sitting on my balcony with my coffee and computer is one of my most favoritest things ever. My neighbor and her boyfriend walked out, hugged, kissed, and walked to their respective cars. The boyfriend said, "Bye, lover." Lover. I tried not to laugh, but couldn't help it. If my boyfriend ever calls me "lover" I will punch him in the face.
So, I did some grocery shopping this morning (surprise, there) and found that the rooster-themed coffee mug I've been drooling after had a huge price cut! So I bought it! The handle sucks, but I don't care. It's cute.
Yes, I drool after coffee mugs.
So, I'm a happy camper, with plenty of groceries, a cool mug, and a full gas tank in my Ninja Van. What more can I ask for? I'll tell you: A smooth night where the kids all get along and my oldest doesn't stage a revolution and treat his mom like crap. I'm not sure, but age 8/9 just might be a hellish age. Hoping it's a phase and I'll get my sweet-natured son back soon.
It's been brought to my attention that it seems like I don't live where I live...that I'm just "staying here." Since I don't get involved in the community or experience the area all that much. Hmmm. Makes me think. Makes me wonder how I can experience it more. I do like this area. I guess I do want it to feel more like home. Any suggestions on how I can do this? I'm basically a homebody who is poorer than dirt...
Hope it's Spring+ where you are, and I hope you enjoy your day.
So, it's a glorious day. The weather decided to be Spring+ once again. Sitting on my balcony with my coffee and computer is one of my most favoritest things ever. My neighbor and her boyfriend walked out, hugged, kissed, and walked to their respective cars. The boyfriend said, "Bye, lover." Lover. I tried not to laugh, but couldn't help it. If my boyfriend ever calls me "lover" I will punch him in the face.
So, I did some grocery shopping this morning (surprise, there) and found that the rooster-themed coffee mug I've been drooling after had a huge price cut! So I bought it! The handle sucks, but I don't care. It's cute.
Yes, I drool after coffee mugs.
So, I'm a happy camper, with plenty of groceries, a cool mug, and a full gas tank in my Ninja Van. What more can I ask for? I'll tell you: A smooth night where the kids all get along and my oldest doesn't stage a revolution and treat his mom like crap. I'm not sure, but age 8/9 just might be a hellish age. Hoping it's a phase and I'll get my sweet-natured son back soon.
It's been brought to my attention that it seems like I don't live where I live...that I'm just "staying here." Since I don't get involved in the community or experience the area all that much. Hmmm. Makes me think. Makes me wonder how I can experience it more. I do like this area. I guess I do want it to feel more like home. Any suggestions on how I can do this? I'm basically a homebody who is poorer than dirt...
Hope it's Spring+ where you are, and I hope you enjoy your day.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I skim them just to be polite
This is certainly not a message to anyone or even how I'm feeling in the least, but you have to listen to this song. It's clever and revealing and a very real picture of many, many relationships. Plus it sounds freaking cool! With ear buds in.
I Can I Will I Do
from Barenaked Ladies Are Men
I Can I Will I Do
from Barenaked Ladies Are Men
Listomania
- I made banana bread tonight.
- I knocked a jar of molasses off my pantry shelf today and it shattered everywhere.
- Molasses and glass are sticky wickets.
- I intended to spend approximately $80 USD at the grocery today.
- I spent approximately $140 USD at the grocery today.
- Which might be ok, because Cam ate nearly that much in samples throughout the store.
- I am very happy right now.
- Tired as shit, but happy.
- I have the greatest cheapass couch in the world!
- When you're happy, there's not a lot to bitch about.
- Pink sparkle wine.
- Cam has doctor appointment tomorrow to up his focus-medicine dosage.
- The lowest dose of Concerta seemed to be awesome for a while, but now...not so much.
- Hey, so if you are interested in modeling for a project that promotes openness and freeness, please contact me. The photographer is well-respected, easy-going, and very professional. Also awesome.
- I'd like to have a cocktail party, and serve sangria in a punch bowl, with lots of awesome fruit slices in it.
- And I'd be so charming and social and everyone would have a fabulous time.
- I'd play all the music I love and my guests would be all "wow, this sound is fantastic!"
- This will likely never happen, but the appetizers I'd serve would be out of this world.
- Would you come to my party?
- I knocked a jar of molasses off my pantry shelf today and it shattered everywhere.
- Molasses and glass are sticky wickets.
- I intended to spend approximately $80 USD at the grocery today.
- I spent approximately $140 USD at the grocery today.
- Which might be ok, because Cam ate nearly that much in samples throughout the store.
- I am very happy right now.
- Tired as shit, but happy.
- I have the greatest cheapass couch in the world!
- When you're happy, there's not a lot to bitch about.
- Pink sparkle wine.
- Cam has doctor appointment tomorrow to up his focus-medicine dosage.
- The lowest dose of Concerta seemed to be awesome for a while, but now...not so much.
- Hey, so if you are interested in modeling for a project that promotes openness and freeness, please contact me. The photographer is well-respected, easy-going, and very professional. Also awesome.
- I'd like to have a cocktail party, and serve sangria in a punch bowl, with lots of awesome fruit slices in it.
- And I'd be so charming and social and everyone would have a fabulous time.
- I'd play all the music I love and my guests would be all "wow, this sound is fantastic!"
- This will likely never happen, but the appetizers I'd serve would be out of this world.
- Would you come to my party?
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
I can be your hero, baby
It was a desperate situation, but someone had to step up and save the day. Today, that person was me. The windshield was dirty, riddled with splotches and scum. It was getting difficult to see the long road before me. I cranked on the wipers/washer stuff. The wipers immediately obeyed, but the washer stuff did not jump to the shield. Instead the washer stuff motor moaned, and the wipers just smeared the scum around, making it even more impossible to navigate through the hard, cold, tough streets of Montgomery. I sighed and wondered whatever will become of the situation, tightened my grip on the steering wheel, squinted through the filth before me, and somehow made it home. Safely. Shaking with fear, I jumped out of the Ninja Van, headed toward the back/fake trunk/hatch area and retrieved the only thing I knew could possibly save us: The bottle of what looked like Blue Gatorade. I pulled the hood lever successfully, sprinted to the front of the still-hot beast, pulled up on the hidden under-the-hood lever thingy, and was able to lift the hood. The innards were exposed - a mess of tubes and square things and containers with round lids. I lifted one of the lids, took a deep breath, and started to pour the Blue Gatorade into the container. The container, which was bone-dry, seemed to absorb the special fluid. I think I heard it whisper, "thank you." One of the troops yelled, "wait, mom! If you put that in the wrong tube, it will really mess things up!" But I was confident. After all, the lid did have a picture of a windshield and wipers on it. I emptied the Gatorade bottle, snapped the cap back on, slammed down the hood, dusted off my hands, and tossed the plastic bottle into the dumpster. Again, saving the day. And the world.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Half.
In the space between sleep and sleeplessness
We redress all our wounds
If we replace all this hopeless hopelessness
Then we could rest
What does it mean for me? I don't care. I just know that I love it.
- From Half a Heart by Barenaked Ladies
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
I swear, I only listen to Q102 for the morning talk
I really like the song Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye. I'm surprised to find it on our local pop/mainstream radio station, though. But I'm happy it's getting airplay. Makes me wonder, though, if it's one of those "alt" songs that happens to get exposure, or if it's truly mainstream, and that's just the way my musical taste is moving?
Monday, April 2, 2012
Bloody Bollocks
With this post, I will lose most of my male readership.
I am having the heaviest period of my life (well, outside of that post-birth nonsense). I am on the pill, so my periods are mostly predictable:
Starts out light, so, like, Regular absorbency tampons on day one. Day two ramps up a bit, but not over-the-top, and I get to bust out the Super tampons. Day three gets slightly CSI, and it's Super Plus for two days. Then it trickles down to manageable and we get to switch back to the Regulars until I'm all dried up and happy again.
But. I have been under Big Stress...work and work and work, plus some emotional discourse. And I guess that affects the ole flow. I started at work Saturday, which is rawkin' awesome...I always love starting at work. After a whole day of explosive diarrhea, at that. Anyway, all I had were Super absorbancy tampons at work. And guess what? That was not enough! It was like Niagra, and on the way home Saturday night, I stopped at Walgreens to get THE ULTRA ABSORBENCY tampons. You know, the you're-really-going-to-get-Toxic-Shock-Syndrome-now tampons. Since then, every two hours I am on the verge of a very messy bathroom. More CSI than you can imagine. And it's freaking Monday and this junk is still going strong!
Luckily, I have no cramps or extreme irritability. It's just the gargantuan amount of uterine lining that's gushing out of me. And understandably, I'm stinking tired as a result of the extreme blood loss.
It's not been seven days yet, and I don't care. I just popped a day one birth control pill.
Are you super-happy I shared? Maybe tomorrow I'll talk about ingrown pubic hairs or something.
Also, you're welcome, men.
I am having the heaviest period of my life (well, outside of that post-birth nonsense). I am on the pill, so my periods are mostly predictable:
Starts out light, so, like, Regular absorbency tampons on day one. Day two ramps up a bit, but not over-the-top, and I get to bust out the Super tampons. Day three gets slightly CSI, and it's Super Plus for two days. Then it trickles down to manageable and we get to switch back to the Regulars until I'm all dried up and happy again.
But. I have been under Big Stress...work and work and work, plus some emotional discourse. And I guess that affects the ole flow. I started at work Saturday, which is rawkin' awesome...I always love starting at work. After a whole day of explosive diarrhea, at that. Anyway, all I had were Super absorbancy tampons at work. And guess what? That was not enough! It was like Niagra, and on the way home Saturday night, I stopped at Walgreens to get THE ULTRA ABSORBENCY tampons. You know, the you're-really-going-to-get-Toxic-Shock-Syndrome-now tampons. Since then, every two hours I am on the verge of a very messy bathroom. More CSI than you can imagine. And it's freaking Monday and this junk is still going strong!
Luckily, I have no cramps or extreme irritability. It's just the gargantuan amount of uterine lining that's gushing out of me. And understandably, I'm stinking tired as a result of the extreme blood loss.
It's not been seven days yet, and I don't care. I just popped a day one birth control pill.
Are you super-happy I shared? Maybe tomorrow I'll talk about ingrown pubic hairs or something.
Also, you're welcome, men.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
17
I'm overwhelmed.
I can't fit it all in.
That's what she said.
Lordy.
That was lame.
Lots of working.
Trying to also socialize, but feeling odd about it.
Wondering if anyone will ever accept me for me, without judging.
Or wanting something else beyond surface.
Still don't know what I want, totally.
Happy kids; smart kids.
Fulfilling employment.
Down time.
Creative time.
Normal stuff, like clean dwelling, fridge full o food, good music, peace.
Can't fit it all in.
That's what she said.
I can't fit it all in.
That's what she said.
Lordy.
That was lame.
Lots of working.
Trying to also socialize, but feeling odd about it.
Wondering if anyone will ever accept me for me, without judging.
Or wanting something else beyond surface.
Still don't know what I want, totally.
Happy kids; smart kids.
Fulfilling employment.
Down time.
Creative time.
Normal stuff, like clean dwelling, fridge full o food, good music, peace.
Can't fit it all in.
That's what she said.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Procrastination and being a girl
And so it begins...the procrastination. Since I need to be doing work stuff on the laptop at home, I'll likely be doing more blog stuff. Because I excel at the procrastination and the distraction. So, for my part time job tool, I'm required to use Internet Explorer. Internet. Explorer. It's mean and cruel and I am none too happy about that.
I also would like to be working on the photos I took a gajillion years ago. Only because I need to be working on work.
I have a topic, believe it or not: Reasons I am really a girl. On paper, my apparent gender could be considered debatable. I'm sure I probably come off as an extremely educated 12-year-old boy, based on the poop, sex, and body odor talk. But, from what follows, you will see That I Really Am A Girl.
I like pedicures. A lot. I like to soak my scary feet in bubbly water, have a Vietnamese boy shape my nails; sand the dead stuff off my heels, fix my cuticles, rub salty scubby stuff on my legs and feet, massage yummy lotion into my skin, and put pretty colors on my toenails. When he flirts with me and tells me my feet are soft, he might just be aiming for a good tip, but what that little guy really does is melt my girlysoft heart.
If you give me a greeting or notecard with a special message inside, I'm all AWWWWWWW! It makes my girlyass day.
Kisses and hugs.
Candles.
Pretty (yet completely functional) bras. I'm a pushover at Victoria's Secret.
I talk about my feeeeeelings. And I ask you about yours. Vomit.
I cry during movies and while reading books and while listening to Rod Stewart in my car. Rod Stewart. And even while watching sitcoms. I'm all touched and stuff.
I drink pink sparkling wine. I can't imagine anything more girly. Also sangria.
Babies, kitties, and puppies.
I want my company to see a clean home. If you're supposed to come over at 5, and you arrive at 4, guess who will be left watching me vacuum and move junk around? IT WILL BE CLEAN for you.
Indie chick music.
Flip flops.
Fleece throws.
Necklaces and bracelets.
I care what you think.
I want to put on a fancy dress and cute shoes and jewelry and go to a musical so badly it aches. I want a handsome man at my side who will put his arm around me and make me feel like a princess that night. GIRRRRRRL!
I also would like to be working on the photos I took a gajillion years ago. Only because I need to be working on work.
I have a topic, believe it or not: Reasons I am really a girl. On paper, my apparent gender could be considered debatable. I'm sure I probably come off as an extremely educated 12-year-old boy, based on the poop, sex, and body odor talk. But, from what follows, you will see That I Really Am A Girl.
I like pedicures. A lot. I like to soak my scary feet in bubbly water, have a Vietnamese boy shape my nails; sand the dead stuff off my heels, fix my cuticles, rub salty scubby stuff on my legs and feet, massage yummy lotion into my skin, and put pretty colors on my toenails. When he flirts with me and tells me my feet are soft, he might just be aiming for a good tip, but what that little guy really does is melt my girlysoft heart.
If you give me a greeting or notecard with a special message inside, I'm all AWWWWWWW! It makes my girlyass day.
Kisses and hugs.
Candles.
Pretty (yet completely functional) bras. I'm a pushover at Victoria's Secret.
I talk about my feeeeeelings. And I ask you about yours. Vomit.
I cry during movies and while reading books and while listening to Rod Stewart in my car. Rod Stewart. And even while watching sitcoms. I'm all touched and stuff.
I drink pink sparkling wine. I can't imagine anything more girly. Also sangria.
Babies, kitties, and puppies.
I want my company to see a clean home. If you're supposed to come over at 5, and you arrive at 4, guess who will be left watching me vacuum and move junk around? IT WILL BE CLEAN for you.
Indie chick music.
Flip flops.
Fleece throws.
Necklaces and bracelets.
I care what you think.
I want to put on a fancy dress and cute shoes and jewelry and go to a musical so badly it aches. I want a handsome man at my side who will put his arm around me and make me feel like a princess that night. GIRRRRRRL!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Up
Yay! Happy times for me. I am finally approved to begin working on production data for the second job...which means, a paycheck! A monthly paycheck, but still! Now to carve 10-20 dedicated working hours into each week without going insane...since I'm going to be needed to work extra hours for a stretch at my regular job for a bit as well.
It's a beautiful day today; we're headed for a high of 75! Mid-March! To honor this beauty, I'm going to treat myself to my own beautification here in a bit. Unmentionable grooming, plus a pedicure. The pedi is exciting. I'm excited to wear capris today. Yes, that's a silly little thing to be excited for. But I am, so there.
I think the park might be in order after I get the kids from school. If I can remember to bring along my camera, that might be awesome.
Happy Tuesday!
It's a beautiful day today; we're headed for a high of 75! Mid-March! To honor this beauty, I'm going to treat myself to my own beautification here in a bit. Unmentionable grooming, plus a pedicure. The pedi is exciting. I'm excited to wear capris today. Yes, that's a silly little thing to be excited for. But I am, so there.
I think the park might be in order after I get the kids from school. If I can remember to bring along my camera, that might be awesome.
Happy Tuesday!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Hear that?
Buzz Buzz goes my phone from beneath a pile of unfolded clean sheets on the couch. Tweet Tweet go the birds outside my slightly open window. The exhaust fan hums in my bathroom, because, um, I needed to air that stuff out. Tick Tick goes the only clock in the apartment still not set to Daylight Savings Time. Rawrrrrrr goes my refrigerator, which is the loudest, most annoying sound in this place. Click Clack say the keys on my laptop as I do lots of practice data for the second job and type meaningless blog entries. Lots of little noises.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
The Tuesday Blog
I've been instructed to blog more. So more I shall blog.
I have huge news: my student loan debt is paid off. I did not pay it on purpose. But apparently, after your defaultness reaches a certain point, the IRS will take your nifty tax refund and offset the debt. So, I expected $xxxx refund and received half of $xxxx. Which sort of sucks. I got my couch and my daughter's bed and cool bedding for all the kids, and a big bunch of groceries. But I didn't get to pay some important people back like I had planned to. But Kentucky Higher Education is now off my back! I'm going to so miss your stalking, David Mitchell!
I got a full-service car wash yesterday. The innards were beginning to decay. In prepping for the cleaning, I had to remove much toys/junk/trash/kid artwork. I even found a rotten chunk of banana in the back floorboard. Cam had told me the van smelled like "old, rotten Chipotle tortilla chips." Which was odd, since I've never had Chipotle chips in the van. But I took it as a cue. So, who makes the first messy spill? Me. I popped open my can of Dr. Pepper this morning and it splattered on the radio area and dash. Typical.
I don't understand dust. I don't understand how it happens. Like, the science of it. What is dust? I could internet it, but then I'd be on the computer all day, rather than doing important things like finally getting my Ohio driver's license, more part time job training, or....dusting.
I went to The Kentucky Friday night and again yesterday. Social visit and official business visit, respectively. And I miss that place. I think I will find myself back there in the future. I mean, Ohio is fine. I have nothing against it and like the area I'm in. But I just miss the familiarity and "homeness" of the KY. Particularly Kenton County. Felt so happy there. In related news, I got to see a few cows yesterday!
I've determined that, pretty much, I can attribute a catchphrase to most people I know. A commonly-used phrase they repeat often. Sometimes, it's just a word, but with lots of people, it's a phrase. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like, this girl I used to work with had a whole host of phrases:
X amount of time
Represent!
I got this
Typically
Literally
Seriously
Those are just a few. I think people don't realize when they do this repetitive phrase-using. Which makes me obsessively wonder what phrases/words I do this with. I think I might tend to overuse "Right?" As in:
Person A: Geeze, it's so hot in here, I might strip right down to my string bikini!
Person Me: I know, right?
Where Person A is a male coworker (because that's fun) and where my department is always a balmy 500 degrees.
Alright, then, off to be responsible and orderly.
I have huge news: my student loan debt is paid off. I did not pay it on purpose. But apparently, after your defaultness reaches a certain point, the IRS will take your nifty tax refund and offset the debt. So, I expected $xxxx refund and received half of $xxxx. Which sort of sucks. I got my couch and my daughter's bed and cool bedding for all the kids, and a big bunch of groceries. But I didn't get to pay some important people back like I had planned to. But Kentucky Higher Education is now off my back! I'm going to so miss your stalking, David Mitchell!
I got a full-service car wash yesterday. The innards were beginning to decay. In prepping for the cleaning, I had to remove much toys/junk/trash/kid artwork. I even found a rotten chunk of banana in the back floorboard. Cam had told me the van smelled like "old, rotten Chipotle tortilla chips." Which was odd, since I've never had Chipotle chips in the van. But I took it as a cue. So, who makes the first messy spill? Me. I popped open my can of Dr. Pepper this morning and it splattered on the radio area and dash. Typical.
I don't understand dust. I don't understand how it happens. Like, the science of it. What is dust? I could internet it, but then I'd be on the computer all day, rather than doing important things like finally getting my Ohio driver's license, more part time job training, or....dusting.
I went to The Kentucky Friday night and again yesterday. Social visit and official business visit, respectively. And I miss that place. I think I will find myself back there in the future. I mean, Ohio is fine. I have nothing against it and like the area I'm in. But I just miss the familiarity and "homeness" of the KY. Particularly Kenton County. Felt so happy there. In related news, I got to see a few cows yesterday!
I've determined that, pretty much, I can attribute a catchphrase to most people I know. A commonly-used phrase they repeat often. Sometimes, it's just a word, but with lots of people, it's a phrase. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like, this girl I used to work with had a whole host of phrases:
X amount of time
Represent!
I got this
Typically
Literally
Seriously
Those are just a few. I think people don't realize when they do this repetitive phrase-using. Which makes me obsessively wonder what phrases/words I do this with. I think I might tend to overuse "Right?" As in:
Person A: Geeze, it's so hot in here, I might strip right down to my string bikini!
Person Me: I know, right?
Where Person A is a male coworker (because that's fun) and where my department is always a balmy 500 degrees.
Alright, then, off to be responsible and orderly.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
A bit like a bee
Busy like crazy lately. Getting new furniture, buying bedding for all the kids (expensive but worth it: Cam has Angry Birds, Luke has Spiderman, and Claire has Rapunzel bedding), completing tons of training for the new part time job, attempting to get all my credentials in order and gain access to portals to actually GET PAID for the new part time job and actually do production tasks for the job, doing my full time job, figuring out mini-road trips, shooting pictures of beautiful ladies, actually pretending to be a beautiful lady and get photographed myself (!), preparing meals, helping with homework, reading with the family, laundry, groceries, bills, housework.....it's just been bizzzzy.
More part time training beckons and I need to start uploading and editing my photo shoot results. I don't see it slowing down in the near future, but that really doesn't make me unhappy. I'm liking the challenges. Wish I had more time for friend stuff, and friends had more time...then I'd really be feeling complete.
But for now, yay! Es good.
More part time training beckons and I need to start uploading and editing my photo shoot results. I don't see it slowing down in the near future, but that really doesn't make me unhappy. I'm liking the challenges. Wish I had more time for friend stuff, and friends had more time...then I'd really be feeling complete.
But for now, yay! Es good.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
I feel like I'm playing all the instruments now, too.
Now you're just somebody that I used to know. Totally.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Easy like Monday morning
So, I feel like making a list. Lists are easy.
I filed my taxes yesterday. The refund will be nice.
It's basically spent.
Paying people back the money they've lent me.
Also, buying my daughter a twin bed and mattress and bedding.
She's outgrown her toddler bed.
A bunk bed and a twin bed will take up most of my kids' room, even though they have the "master" bedroom.
I'm also planning to buy an inexpensive couch.
The loveseat I currently have is functional, but I really want a full-sized couch.
My space heater stopped working. This makes me sad. And cold.
My oldest son is an avid reader. He reads much of the time.
As a project for school, we're reading a novel as a family. He and I are taking turns reading chapters aloud. I'm enjoying the story.
It's called The Year of the Dog by Grace Lin.
I'm still in the process of being hired for a part-time, temporary, contract job. If you remember my google rater days, it's similar to that.
I'm very excited at the prospect of doing this job. I like the work, and the money will be just a lifesaver.
I very much don't like the cold weather.
My middle son had a very bad morning today. I had to literally drag him into school.
He used to be like this all the time when he was younger, but these days he acts this way when something is really bothering him. I'm worried he's physically hurting.
I'm worried he's constipated. Honestly.
Sometimes I crave a baloney/balogna and american cheese sandwich, no condiment.
That sounds good right now. It's 9:35am.
If I had a larger tax refund, I'd buy a great lens for my camera.
I'd also buy a larger TV for my living room and move the itty bitty to my bedroom.
Oh, to lie in bed and watch TV and fall asleep to Scrubs.
I used to drink probably too much wine. I still like wine, but don't do that anymore.
I don't know why. I just don't want to.
I like beer. I hardly ever drink it, though.
I like mixed drinks, but can't really recall the last time I had one.
I don't really dig hard liquor or shots too much.
These days, my main vice is hot tea. I like iced tea, but haven't had that lately.
At work, if I replaced every other cup of tea I have with water, life would probably be healthier.
I don't understand Pinterest. And I'm not sure I want to.
I wish I had an iPad or other tablet. But my laptop's fine.
I used to be very good with money.
Which is a complete joke now.
I like taking care of my kids. I hope I'm good at it.
I like the baloney/cheese sandwich I just ate. :)
I filed my taxes yesterday. The refund will be nice.
It's basically spent.
Paying people back the money they've lent me.
Also, buying my daughter a twin bed and mattress and bedding.
She's outgrown her toddler bed.
A bunk bed and a twin bed will take up most of my kids' room, even though they have the "master" bedroom.
I'm also planning to buy an inexpensive couch.
The loveseat I currently have is functional, but I really want a full-sized couch.
My space heater stopped working. This makes me sad. And cold.
My oldest son is an avid reader. He reads much of the time.
As a project for school, we're reading a novel as a family. He and I are taking turns reading chapters aloud. I'm enjoying the story.
It's called The Year of the Dog by Grace Lin.
I'm still in the process of being hired for a part-time, temporary, contract job. If you remember my google rater days, it's similar to that.
I'm very excited at the prospect of doing this job. I like the work, and the money will be just a lifesaver.
I very much don't like the cold weather.
My middle son had a very bad morning today. I had to literally drag him into school.
He used to be like this all the time when he was younger, but these days he acts this way when something is really bothering him. I'm worried he's physically hurting.
I'm worried he's constipated. Honestly.
Sometimes I crave a baloney/balogna and american cheese sandwich, no condiment.
That sounds good right now. It's 9:35am.
If I had a larger tax refund, I'd buy a great lens for my camera.
I'd also buy a larger TV for my living room and move the itty bitty to my bedroom.
Oh, to lie in bed and watch TV and fall asleep to Scrubs.
I used to drink probably too much wine. I still like wine, but don't do that anymore.
I don't know why. I just don't want to.
I like beer. I hardly ever drink it, though.
I like mixed drinks, but can't really recall the last time I had one.
I don't really dig hard liquor or shots too much.
These days, my main vice is hot tea. I like iced tea, but haven't had that lately.
At work, if I replaced every other cup of tea I have with water, life would probably be healthier.
I don't understand Pinterest. And I'm not sure I want to.
I wish I had an iPad or other tablet. But my laptop's fine.
I used to be very good with money.
Which is a complete joke now.
I like taking care of my kids. I hope I'm good at it.
I like the baloney/cheese sandwich I just ate. :)
Monday, February 6, 2012
It works for me
When I search for happiness, I seem to come up empty. It's like I try too hard with all the analysis and pondering. I just had a thought, though, that I'm missing the things that make me happy just because. They are little things that seem small and maybe even mundane or trivial, but I think it's those things I should focus on.
For instance, I realize I feel happy when I accomplish something as basic as a grocery shopping trip. Food in the fridge and pantry makes me feel more secure. Hey, hey I can feed my kids! A full (or even half-full) gas tank in my car fills me with relief.
I used to do this all the time, but got away from it: preparing for the next day the night before. The nights I get all the lunches ready and the kids' outfits laid out are worth it. Yeah, I feel lazy and tired and just want to decompress, but getting all that stuff done provides a sense of achievement for me and I can't even describe how much easier the morning is because of the preparation. Without the rushing and stressing, the morning is lighter and the moods of my family are lighter as well. Happy kids = happy mom. Happy mom = happy kids.
It works for me, so I'll take it.
For instance, I realize I feel happy when I accomplish something as basic as a grocery shopping trip. Food in the fridge and pantry makes me feel more secure. Hey, hey I can feed my kids! A full (or even half-full) gas tank in my car fills me with relief.
I used to do this all the time, but got away from it: preparing for the next day the night before. The nights I get all the lunches ready and the kids' outfits laid out are worth it. Yeah, I feel lazy and tired and just want to decompress, but getting all that stuff done provides a sense of achievement for me and I can't even describe how much easier the morning is because of the preparation. Without the rushing and stressing, the morning is lighter and the moods of my family are lighter as well. Happy kids = happy mom. Happy mom = happy kids.
It works for me, so I'll take it.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
A list!
1. New Antid: My body is very sensitive to medication, so the side effects I'm experiencing with my new crazy pills are not a surprise. I've been nauseous (I hate spelling that word), antsy, and the worst thing is sweaty hands. Don't like sweaty hands. I think I'm already feeling the good effects of the meds, though.
2. The generic dishwasher detergent I usually buy leaves fewer spots than the brand name. I'm baffled.
3. It looks like I have a part-time/temporary/home-based contractor gig lined up. I faxed my paperwork in Friday, and I hope things don't fall through. I need the money. I need the money bad.
4. Other possible side effects of my crazy pills: sexual dysfunction and weight gain. Gulp.
5. I like cooking Big Breffus for my kids on Sunday mornings, but I sure dislike the fried food smell that permeates the apartment the whole day after.
6. Each week, I soak my kids' toothbrushes in a baking soda/water mixture. Is this over the top?
7. I live paycheck to paycheck, yet spend $10+ on foundation for my face. Is this insane?
8. In these strange, strange times, I find myself liking hot tea much better than wine.
9. I watched the entire film Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone for the first time today and enjoyed it. I suspect I would have enjoyed it more if Cam hadn't been explaining each and every scene to me, as well as comparing the movie to the book that he has read approximately 35 times. ;)
10. It is my belief that Scrubbing Bubbles is the best cleaning product ever invented.
2. The generic dishwasher detergent I usually buy leaves fewer spots than the brand name. I'm baffled.
3. It looks like I have a part-time/temporary/home-based contractor gig lined up. I faxed my paperwork in Friday, and I hope things don't fall through. I need the money. I need the money bad.
4. Other possible side effects of my crazy pills: sexual dysfunction and weight gain. Gulp.
5. I like cooking Big Breffus for my kids on Sunday mornings, but I sure dislike the fried food smell that permeates the apartment the whole day after.
6. Each week, I soak my kids' toothbrushes in a baking soda/water mixture. Is this over the top?
7. I live paycheck to paycheck, yet spend $10+ on foundation for my face. Is this insane?
8. In these strange, strange times, I find myself liking hot tea much better than wine.
9. I watched the entire film Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone for the first time today and enjoyed it. I suspect I would have enjoyed it more if Cam hadn't been explaining each and every scene to me, as well as comparing the movie to the book that he has read approximately 35 times. ;)
10. It is my belief that Scrubbing Bubbles is the best cleaning product ever invented.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Sticky
So, I had myself talked into the conclusion that I was going to cancel this morning's doctor appointment, based on the following:
My antidepressant would cost shitons until I reach my million dollar deductible.
I would be wasting my doctor's time.
Talking about depression is hard.
I sort of believe I don't deserve to be happy.
I took my kids to school, came home and dialed up the doc's office, prepared to cancel my appointment. Sat on hold forever. Then decided to screw it all, get a shower, and head to the appointment.
Because I was tired of being on hold.
Because I am tired of my life being on hold.
Because I want to feel decent.
Because I am not a quitter.
I'm very glad I went. I got to read a Better Homes and Gardens from February, 2011 and a Better Homes and Gardens from November, 2011. I got to hear a kid's video game music for 45 minutes. I got to discuss my state with a caring person who I respect and am so lucky to have in my life. I am going to go on a generic antid this time, Celexa, which will put me out FOUR DOLLARS a month. She also recommended therapists.
I felt better already, driving home. I did it even though I felt alone and it was hard. I was starting to accept that crap was how my life is, and that's just how it was going to be. But that's a bunch of bullshit. I'm going to stick to getting better, because that's what I do. I stick, motherfuckers, and you're just going to have to accept it.
My antidepressant would cost shitons until I reach my million dollar deductible.
I would be wasting my doctor's time.
Talking about depression is hard.
I sort of believe I don't deserve to be happy.
I took my kids to school, came home and dialed up the doc's office, prepared to cancel my appointment. Sat on hold forever. Then decided to screw it all, get a shower, and head to the appointment.
Because I was tired of being on hold.
Because I am tired of my life being on hold.
Because I want to feel decent.
Because I am not a quitter.
I'm very glad I went. I got to read a Better Homes and Gardens from February, 2011 and a Better Homes and Gardens from November, 2011. I got to hear a kid's video game music for 45 minutes. I got to discuss my state with a caring person who I respect and am so lucky to have in my life. I am going to go on a generic antid this time, Celexa, which will put me out FOUR DOLLARS a month. She also recommended therapists.
I felt better already, driving home. I did it even though I felt alone and it was hard. I was starting to accept that crap was how my life is, and that's just how it was going to be. But that's a bunch of bullshit. I'm going to stick to getting better, because that's what I do. I stick, motherfuckers, and you're just going to have to accept it.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
I say the things you know you all think
Public restroom usage is a necessity in life. I pride myself on the fact that I've come so far with regard to peeing/pooping in public. One of my earliest memories is that I had trouble using my very own grandmother's bathroom. For going number one. Like, I had to concentrate and reach a distant level of relaxation to urinate. Luckily, I grew to become more comfortable peeing in familiar places, but even as "recently" as high school, I know I had to have friends turn on the faucet in restrooms while on band trips to be able to effectively eliminate. Still talking number one.
As for number two, forget it. I am not kidding when I say I have been intensely uncomfortable pooping in public most of my life. Until I had my first child, that is. Honestly, I knew I didn't want to raise crazy little neurotic versions of myself, so I forced myself to be able to poop on most any toilet. (Also, I stopped obsessively washing my hands, allowed my fork to touch the table, and even stopped turning my restaurant napkin inside out before I used it.)
So, these days, I'm completely comfortable eliminating (one and two) basically in any restroom. Target? Check. Work? Check. Other people's homes? Yup. Even in gas station potties. Success. However, there is a certain amount of grossness about sharing a space with strangers to do poopy. I used to get a little embarrassed about any lingering odor my elimination caused. Then I was all, "well, everybody poops" and got over it. Other people's lingering odor is noted, but not offensive.
But. Ahem. Other lingering odor is a complete sore spot for me. I'm not talking about I-just-blew-up-the-bowl stuff, or period stuff (sorry, it happens). I'm talking about jesus-do-you-ever-wash-yourself odor. Dirty bum stuff. That smell lingers worse than any other. How can a woman go out in public without washing her special region for days? And worse, how can she go to work like that?
So you pee, you poop, you bleed...and you do it all in a happy little single-gender communal area. We share the experience and the remnants of the experience and it's not a big deal. But please - feel free to take a daily shower. Even every other day, I suppose. Or air that stuff out every once in a while. It's liberating and it benefits others.
End.
As for number two, forget it. I am not kidding when I say I have been intensely uncomfortable pooping in public most of my life. Until I had my first child, that is. Honestly, I knew I didn't want to raise crazy little neurotic versions of myself, so I forced myself to be able to poop on most any toilet. (Also, I stopped obsessively washing my hands, allowed my fork to touch the table, and even stopped turning my restaurant napkin inside out before I used it.)
So, these days, I'm completely comfortable eliminating (one and two) basically in any restroom. Target? Check. Work? Check. Other people's homes? Yup. Even in gas station potties. Success. However, there is a certain amount of grossness about sharing a space with strangers to do poopy. I used to get a little embarrassed about any lingering odor my elimination caused. Then I was all, "well, everybody poops" and got over it. Other people's lingering odor is noted, but not offensive.
But. Ahem. Other lingering odor is a complete sore spot for me. I'm not talking about I-just-blew-up-the-bowl stuff, or period stuff (sorry, it happens). I'm talking about jesus-do-you-ever-wash-yourself odor. Dirty bum stuff. That smell lingers worse than any other. How can a woman go out in public without washing her special region for days? And worse, how can she go to work like that?
So you pee, you poop, you bleed...and you do it all in a happy little single-gender communal area. We share the experience and the remnants of the experience and it's not a big deal. But please - feel free to take a daily shower. Even every other day, I suppose. Or air that stuff out every once in a while. It's liberating and it benefits others.
End.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
My heart hurts a little
I miss my old home.
I miss my old couch.
I miss my old family.
I miss my old neighborhood.
I miss my old kitchen.
I miss not wanting to go to sleep at 9pm.
I miss being comfortable.
I miss feeling good about what I do.
I miss really good tacos.
I miss feeling wanted.
I miss feeling passionate about things.
I miss hugs.
I miss reading.
I miss the easy-going me.
I miss my old couch.
I miss my old family.
I miss my old neighborhood.
I miss my old kitchen.
I miss not wanting to go to sleep at 9pm.
I miss being comfortable.
I miss feeling good about what I do.
I miss really good tacos.
I miss feeling wanted.
I miss feeling passionate about things.
I miss hugs.
I miss reading.
I miss the easy-going me.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Clean That Crap
It's time to get my apartment in order. In order for what? I'm not sure. I don't love my apartment, I don't love the furniture and much of its content, but it is where we live. My life's not awesome, but I'd like to LIKE my environment somewhat and feel good about the state of what surrounds me. I know, little by little, my THINGS will improve, and this is hard for someone who is big on instant gratification. The events of the last few years have really taught me to adjust, to deal with what I've got, to adapt. All that said, I sort of live like a bachelor. It doesn't bother me completely, but I do get overwhelmed at times by disarray. And sometimes I'm just all "I can't stand this filth!" So, I'm going to start getting things in better order.
In the divorce, I lost the kids' toy bins. All of their toys ended up in a broken toy box in their room, and in a storage ottoman (which, in the old house used to serve as our "shoe box"). A couple of weeks ago, I spent money I don't have on a new toy bin structure thing just like the one we used to have. And Saturday, the kids and I purged the overflowing toy box in their room. Redistributed toys, trashed tiny items that had no purpose. There were some tears, but the toy box now houses only large items and the rest of the stuff now lives in the bin thing. Step one toward some sense of organization.
Today, I got sick of my kitchen. The kitchen, tiny as it is, is going to take some time to fix. But for now, I've tackled one thing: cleaning the coffee pot. Inside and out, the whole vinegar deal...that stuff takes time. And now, for real, after I publish this, I'm going to clean out the pot/pan under cabinet area. As in, get everything out. Wipe down the insides. Reorganize. Sounds simple, but that area is a mess. My ex used to hate how I stored these items, and I'm kind of starting to see why.
Probably not today, but very, very soon, I'm going to clean out the refrigerator. That's super huge, because the shelves are disgusting - particularly the bottom one that is decorated with spills of the past. But I have a handy scrub brush and a box of baking soda waiting.
Going to get this place in order if it kills me. Beginnings are hard, but sometimes you have to hike up your jeans and dig in. Updates to come...
Update:
HA! Did the pots/pans area AND the pantry. Also, cleaned the toaster, which is just the most disgusting small appliance ever. And discovered I have my sister's pyrex/lid dealio. Sorry, Amy! I didn't even realize.
In the divorce, I lost the kids' toy bins. All of their toys ended up in a broken toy box in their room, and in a storage ottoman (which, in the old house used to serve as our "shoe box"). A couple of weeks ago, I spent money I don't have on a new toy bin structure thing just like the one we used to have. And Saturday, the kids and I purged the overflowing toy box in their room. Redistributed toys, trashed tiny items that had no purpose. There were some tears, but the toy box now houses only large items and the rest of the stuff now lives in the bin thing. Step one toward some sense of organization.
Today, I got sick of my kitchen. The kitchen, tiny as it is, is going to take some time to fix. But for now, I've tackled one thing: cleaning the coffee pot. Inside and out, the whole vinegar deal...that stuff takes time. And now, for real, after I publish this, I'm going to clean out the pot/pan under cabinet area. As in, get everything out. Wipe down the insides. Reorganize. Sounds simple, but that area is a mess. My ex used to hate how I stored these items, and I'm kind of starting to see why.
Probably not today, but very, very soon, I'm going to clean out the refrigerator. That's super huge, because the shelves are disgusting - particularly the bottom one that is decorated with spills of the past. But I have a handy scrub brush and a box of baking soda waiting.
Going to get this place in order if it kills me. Beginnings are hard, but sometimes you have to hike up your jeans and dig in. Updates to come...
Update:
HA! Did the pots/pans area AND the pantry. Also, cleaned the toaster, which is just the most disgusting small appliance ever. And discovered I have my sister's pyrex/lid dealio. Sorry, Amy! I didn't even realize.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Day 63.5/365
The apartment people cut several rectangles in the drywall to install a ceiling fan in the kids' room. Scary.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
My ideal relationship. Ha.
I read a blog post where a lady did this thing for her therapist where she described her ideal relationship. Meaning, partner-ish relationship. It got me thinking. I'm not sure I want a partner, but I guess it doesn't hurt to think about what he might seem like. Maybe I do want a partner...I'm not certain....mostly it's hard to think about, so this will be quite an exercise.
Scenario A:
Casual Commitment. This might be impossible. But this guy is completely into you, thinks you're the bomb...you share senses of humor, ideals, he likes kids and doesn't mind at all that you have them. He's super-awesome, but you need your distance, both physically and emotionally. Pretty much, this is the "I'd like to see you 2 - 3 days/week, plus one overnight" deal. And he's fine with that, because he wants a casually-committed relationship as well. I'm not sure what I mean by commitment, you see. Does it mean you don't see anyone else? Probably. Only thing is, I'm not sure I think monogamy is realistic, so it's something I'm unsure of. The big thing with this guy is: he doesn't smother you. He doesn't want to control you, parent your kids, or insert himself in all parts of your being. If he wants to call you to see how you're doing, that's nice, but he can't get put-off if you don't text him on Thursday. And you have other friends who are male, and you're not going to stop being friends with them and that's just how it is. If your garbage disposal gets clogged, though, he would totally drop it all to help you out. Also, he's awesome in bed.
This is hurting my head.
Scenario B:
MorphoMan. Someone who is good at A turns into someone you might want to live with. But then there's the whole kid thing. I might not think monogamy is realistic, but this guy HAS to be committed to your kids. He's not their father, nor does he want to be. But he's obviously going to be a regular person in their lives, and kids crave stability, so that's where the commitment comes in. If you live with him, you share expenses, but in no way combine finances. Somehow there's a balance of give and take, but he's not going to tell you how to manage your money (unless you ask) and you're not going to control how much he spends on video games. Since you live together, he has to understand that you-time is your time. This is probably tricky. Don't ask me - I have no idea how to have a successful relationship.
Either way, the guy has to want to fix you dinner and be ok at killing spiders. He has to be confident enough to not be intimidated by your brilliance, but not some cocky asshole, either. I'm not sure what the specs are look-wise, but let's just say attraction has to be present. Like initially. Attraction shouldn't be a thing that develops. I guess finding someone who is right for you equals finding someone you can be totally comfortable with....but not toooooo comfortable (I think I did this in my marriage and effed everything up). The respect has to be overwhelming.
I'm definitely not desperately seeking a dude. I miss companionship more and more lately, so I'm not as stubbornly closed off to the idea of a relationship as I used to be. There are still lots of questions, confusion, and what-ifs. I have no idea about most of this and don't even want to try to figure it all out. I guess I'm saying if something happens, hooray. If not, whatev. I'm highly doubtful any reasonable guy would get involved with this mess.
My head still hurts.
Scenario A:
Casual Commitment. This might be impossible. But this guy is completely into you, thinks you're the bomb...you share senses of humor, ideals, he likes kids and doesn't mind at all that you have them. He's super-awesome, but you need your distance, both physically and emotionally. Pretty much, this is the "I'd like to see you 2 - 3 days/week, plus one overnight" deal. And he's fine with that, because he wants a casually-committed relationship as well. I'm not sure what I mean by commitment, you see. Does it mean you don't see anyone else? Probably. Only thing is, I'm not sure I think monogamy is realistic, so it's something I'm unsure of. The big thing with this guy is: he doesn't smother you. He doesn't want to control you, parent your kids, or insert himself in all parts of your being. If he wants to call you to see how you're doing, that's nice, but he can't get put-off if you don't text him on Thursday. And you have other friends who are male, and you're not going to stop being friends with them and that's just how it is. If your garbage disposal gets clogged, though, he would totally drop it all to help you out. Also, he's awesome in bed.
This is hurting my head.
Scenario B:
MorphoMan. Someone who is good at A turns into someone you might want to live with. But then there's the whole kid thing. I might not think monogamy is realistic, but this guy HAS to be committed to your kids. He's not their father, nor does he want to be. But he's obviously going to be a regular person in their lives, and kids crave stability, so that's where the commitment comes in. If you live with him, you share expenses, but in no way combine finances. Somehow there's a balance of give and take, but he's not going to tell you how to manage your money (unless you ask) and you're not going to control how much he spends on video games. Since you live together, he has to understand that you-time is your time. This is probably tricky. Don't ask me - I have no idea how to have a successful relationship.
Either way, the guy has to want to fix you dinner and be ok at killing spiders. He has to be confident enough to not be intimidated by your brilliance, but not some cocky asshole, either. I'm not sure what the specs are look-wise, but let's just say attraction has to be present. Like initially. Attraction shouldn't be a thing that develops. I guess finding someone who is right for you equals finding someone you can be totally comfortable with....but not toooooo comfortable (I think I did this in my marriage and effed everything up). The respect has to be overwhelming.
I'm definitely not desperately seeking a dude. I miss companionship more and more lately, so I'm not as stubbornly closed off to the idea of a relationship as I used to be. There are still lots of questions, confusion, and what-ifs. I have no idea about most of this and don't even want to try to figure it all out. I guess I'm saying if something happens, hooray. If not, whatev. I'm highly doubtful any reasonable guy would get involved with this mess.
My head still hurts.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
In which I am old and perceived to be menopausal
So, I went to the doctor today (have been sick, fainted this morning, but the fainting was likely a fluke and now have meds) and the nurse who took my vitals asked me if I'm still having periods. What? Of course I am! I am only 36 and 11 months. OMG, is it time to be looked upon as middle aged? I'm not ready to be chucked into the menopause category. The scale said nice things, though.
I'm feeling pretty good (despite the sinus pressure and low grade fever) about the steps I'm taking medically. I passed out and didn't let it go. Got it checked out to be sure. Made my annual gyno appointment. Made an appointment with my regular doctor to talk about getting back on the crazy meds. Ready to take charge of that mess.
Decided that since I'm tired of drifting through life, it's up to me to effect the change. Nothing's going to just happen to me to make things better...it's a series of things I need to work on for myself.
Go me.
I'm feeling pretty good (despite the sinus pressure and low grade fever) about the steps I'm taking medically. I passed out and didn't let it go. Got it checked out to be sure. Made my annual gyno appointment. Made an appointment with my regular doctor to talk about getting back on the crazy meds. Ready to take charge of that mess.
Decided that since I'm tired of drifting through life, it's up to me to effect the change. Nothing's going to just happen to me to make things better...it's a series of things I need to work on for myself.
Go me.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Thoughtful, fully-intended poem
I tasted my tear
As it accidentally
Rolled into my mouth
As I yawned
And it tasted...
Like a tear
As it accidentally
Rolled into my mouth
As I yawned
And it tasted...
Like a tear
Why I dig Scrubs
"It felt weird not going to my normal table -- especially on Palm Pilot Synchronization Day...."
- J.D.
- J.D.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Product fun
Well, this is wild. Intriguing. Interesting. Bizarre. Except I don't wear knickers.
A completely new way of waking: Little Rooster
A completely new way of waking: Little Rooster
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